Where Oh Where have I been?

I am fully aware of me lacking in writing there has been alot going on and here I will tell you all my story.

How is Robbie (the best friend from home)? In June, Robbie's dad died. He was fiftysix years young. He had complained of chest pains all day while at the lake, funny thing is I was at the lake at the same time. For Christies bachelorette party. I left early to come home take a nap and Robbie called and wanted to go to Magnolia. We got to about Camden and her cell phone rung it was her brother, Jeremy saying their dad was getting Metlifed to Little Rock. Around three thirty that morning Jerry went home to the Lord. It has been a hard time for Robbie, Sonya (her mom), Jeremy, and PJ but my prayers and heart have been there with them.

How is Joshua (the high school love)? About a month ago he got married. No not to me. And, now he is divorced. He is going through a really tough time. I do not want to put all the busincess out there but my heart was telling him he is moving way to fast for this. But, sometimes you have to watch the people you love get burned. Just like he did with me of three years, now its my time to shed some tears for him. I am praying for him and one day he will learn to trust again and someday will find a woman worthy of his wonderful love.

How is my job? I am in love with it. Somedays are easier than others but I am in love. My kids are great they become like your babies. I work with a classroom of about 24 on average and they sure do keep ya on your toes. They are a true blessing and I see so much promise in each and everyone one of them. Waking up being Ms. Lindsey puts the brightest smile on my face.

How is my sister? Married. The wedding was beautiful, as soon I know how to work my scanner I will show some pictures. Very much purple and pink (lol)! She and I have gotten closer since she has been gone. I end up going back to Magnolia with her everytime she comes down it seems like. Me and Cody (her husband) have gotten closer and is more like a brother to me than a brother in law. About two weeks before they got married both of them accepted the LORD as their personal Savior and were baptisted. It made me cry to be honest with you. I love my sister, we shop together we get along so much better and I miss her alot.

How is my mom? Oh, shes mom. Same ole Same ole. She is going to doctor appointments, cooking rotating nights, putting up with me.

How is my relationship with Christ? For a while I felt it slip, but my heart is healing. I am learning to trust again, not only people but GOD. Trust is a big thing to have.

And, how am I? Im ...hm... Im making it. Hourly. Minutely. Secondly. Ive lost 30 pounds since last August. Do not know how but I have. I am not gonna say my heart was not broken when Joshua got married because it was very broken and for a moment I lost touch with Lindsey. But, I am okay now. Even though he is going through things I have to be strong for Lindsey. Because at the end of the day I answer for me and only me. I have been drying Robbie's tears she cries. I know the pain, the tears still make me cry. Her dad was like a dad to me growing up. This is short but I wanted you all to know I am still alive. I will write soon, dont know when or how but I will. I love you all and I have missed you.

Happy Easter Ya'll!

Mark 9:9 And as they were coming down from the mountain, He gave them orders not to relate to anyone what they had seen, until the Son of Man should rise from the dead.

Hello my dear friends, Happy Easter to everyone! I hope this blog finds all of ya'll loved, blessed, and probably full of Easter goodies.

Yesterday, around two in the afternoon we moved my sister's fiance from Camden to Magnolia into this GOREGOUS 1bedroom apartment him and Christie will live in when they get married in June. We made two or three trips back and forth from Camden to Magnolia. And, I had not ate nothing all day, I know HUGE mistake, I was snippy at everyone and everyone kept calling me at the worst times. Well, me and momma were about to leave with the last load of stuff momma's cell phone rung and it was my Aunt Irene. She called to tell us my cousin (even though me and Christie call her Aunt) Jean was at a Easter egg hunt with Bailey, her granddaughter at the church and was feeling light headed so she headed back to the car and told her husband. When Dusty got to her she was unresponsive. At first they thought it might of been a stroke, but when me and momma went to see her she knew who all of us were. They think its just really bad seziures but they do not know what is causing them. She is now in Baptist in Little Rock, so everyone please praying for my dear cousin Jean. I will keep you guys posted as I find information out.

As for myself, I am we had ham, creamed potatos, green bean bundles, and rolls. Then tonight Robbie brought me some Jelly Belly Beans the Easter Bunny left at her house and a sweet card! This week has been crazy, and this week starting today is gonna be equally as crazy or madness. How many of ya'll went to Easter egg hunts? How many of yall went to parents home? Some of yall stay home and was like I am not moving. LOL! As for me and my house me and my mom went to church and ate thats about it. Well here has been a wrap up of my week and this week to come...

Okay, tomorrow I leave for Hot Springs for a day and a half of training for First Step! So, me and momma will be staying the night down there. Be praying as we travel, we will have to be there at 8AM! So, from our house it will be putting us at leaving at 6AM, yes I better have some coffee. I am very excited and this is a wonderful opportunity! I train in Hot Springs tomorrow and Tuesday and then come home on Wenesday and Thursday and train in Fordyce where I live. And then on Friday I am....

Working but besides that Robbie got with her refund me and her tickets to the Lady Antebellum and Tim McGraw tickets!!!! I am very excited, now if Tim sings daddy's song I might just have to cry a tear for my daddy. But I am very excited, this week is gonna be jam packed with goodies. So, this is a short blog but I need to get my rear end in bed. I love you all and if you have prayer request post below or email booknerd4christ@gmail.com Remember always, I love you and Keep Smiling!

These are a few of my favorite things...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:25-27 New International Version

I found this tag going around list 50 things about yourself maybe others do not know, well I thought hmmm maybe I should give this a whirl I do love to tell you guys more about my life not just my spiritual life but what I am like off of the blog. So here goes..

1. I always check out at least three libary books.
2. I love photographs, it doesnt matter what I love taking them.
3. I’m not materialistic or spoiled.
4. As hard I know it won't happen my mother will never be proud of me or accept me.
5. I’m loyal to the people who have been there for me.
6. I love the way I look in glasses. I don’t even want contacts.
7. I have an awesome CD collection it goes from Judy Garland to Led Zepplin to Avalon to Backstreet Boys.
8. My mother constantly reminds me of how much I have messed up in life.
9. My parents were exact opposites in everyway.
10. I have a relationship with Jesus and know he loves me
11. I am rather quiet around my house because of the lack of someone to talk to but when I am with my friends I am the loudest.
12. I read all books expect romance novels, I find it boring and doesn't keep my intrest.
13. I cry real easy and find it hard to stop sometimes.
14. I do not cry at home, if I do I feel guility and stop as soon as I hear my mom's footsteps.
15. I am determined to be a friend to my kids as well as a parent.
16. Me and my sister are opposites she is slowly turning into my mother.
17. I love breakfast could eat it for every meal.
18. I do not mean to talk about my mom or sister but I feel very alone here.
19. Joshua, has been my best friend for 10yrs and he knows me better than anyone. I can type "hi" and he knows something is wrong.
20. Robbie, is a sister for another a mother, I tell her things that would make the cats meow.
21. I hate when people change when they get a boyfriend, married, engaged, or have a baby.
22. Until I met Lorna I did not have many friends, I spent most of the day with a book and was reading on a fifth grade level at five.
23. Sometimes I perfer to be alone than be with people, but at the end of the day I do not want to be alone.
24. I am working on my driving, I am very scared of it because my mother makes me feel like I am such a screwup.
25. The main I cry these days are because of the things my mothers blows in my face.
26. I have tried to kill myself before.
27. I miss my daddy so much. Even though we disagreed and had arguments he listened to my heart and did not make me feel guility.
28. I love Diet Coke and Diet Dr Pepper.
29. I refuse to wear strapless shirts or sleeveless if I wear sleeveless I have a small jacket to go with it.
30. I cry everytime I read The Wizard of Oz it makes me think of my dad reading to me when I was little.
31. My cat gets on my nerves but I love him reguardless.
32. I love calming smells. Like lavender and vanilla.
33. My Maid of Honor dress is strapless but I have a shaw to go with it. First strapless dress I've ever worn.
34. Unless Joshua goes with me I will not go to my high school reunion.
35. I love ballet flats, I have them in almost every color.
36. I try to make the best out of everything even when I am crying I try to make myself laugh.
37. About six months ago Joshua got me hooked on Mafia Wars on facebook, I think he has created a monster.
38. If you have not noticed Joshua is a big part of my life, he is very much so. We dated at seventeen I did not love him as my boyfriend then. But, at a twenty four year old single woman I love him beyond words.
39. If I make you a promise I try very hard to keep it.
40. I hope not only to make myself happy, but to show my mom I made it on the other side.
41. My kids will know Lorna as Aunt Lorna.
42. I want to have a little girl so bad one day I can taste it her name will be Emma Grace.
43. I also learned about Twilight from Joshua, are we sensing that this man has created a bad monster in pop culture.
44. I read my Bible three times a day and find verses that speak to my heart I write them down in my Bible Study journal.
45. My favorite Wizard of Oz character is the Scarecrow. He is very underestimated and he loves to make others laugh and a loyal friend. Sounds like me?
46. The literay character I relate to the most would be Jo March out of Little Women. I try to stay strong but when people step on my heart it breaks, I love to write, she loves actting in plays, and her best friend is a man.
47. I have post it's all around my computer screen's for a reminders of things. Some I need to throw away.
48. I do not pluck my eyebrows instead I get them waxed I do not have the patience for plucking.
49. I only trust a few people in this world there are only three men I trust: my father, GOD, and Joshua.
50. I try not to give up.

Are you lost and want to be found?

This is from Chick Publications so this is just a direct copy and paste...

The Bible says there is only one way to Heaven
Jesus said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father but by me." (John 14:6)

Good works cannot save you.
"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Trust Jesus Christ today! Here's what you must do:
1. Admit you are a sinner.
"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;" (Romans 3:23)
"Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:" (Romans 5:12)
"If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." (1 John 1:10)

2. Be willing to turn from sin (repent).
Jesus said: "I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish." (Luke 13:5)
"And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:" (Acts 17:30)

3. Believe that Jesus Christ died for you, was buried, and rose from the dead.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners. Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)
"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." (Romans 10:9)

4. Through prayer, invite Jesus into your life to become your personal Saviour.
"For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." (Romans 10:10)
"For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." (Romans 10:13)

What to pray: Dear God, I am a sinner and need forgiveness. I believe that Jesus Christ shed His precious blood and died for my sin. I am willing to turn from sin. I now invite Christ to come into my heart and life as my personal Saviour.

"But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:" (John 1:12)
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

If you have received Jesus Christ as your Saviour, as a Christian you should:

1. Read your Bible every day to get to know Christ better.
"Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." (2 Timothy 2:15)
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalms 119:105)

2. Talk to God in prayer every day.
"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matthew 21:22)
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." (Philippians 4:6)

3. Be baptized, worship, fellowship, and serve with other Christians in a church where Christ is preached and the Bible is the final authority.
"Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:" (Matthew 28:19)
"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching." (Hebrews 10:25)
"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:" (2 Timothy 3:16)

4. Tell others about Christ.
"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." (Mark 16:15)
"For though I preach the gospel, I have nothing to glory of: for necessity is laid upon me; yea, woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel!" (1 Corinthians 9:16)
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek." (Romans 1:16)

Sometimes I forget that not only Christian read my blog or find it non-believers do too, and I thought posting the information from this website could be very useful. These are amazing Bible verses I have marked them in my Bible, I hope this falls into the lap of someone who needs it. I have woken up at 6AM with this on my heart and mind. Be praying for someone today, look over prayer list if you want to your choice email me (booknerd4christ@gmail.com) your prayer list and I will pray for them as well. Do not worry what you email me is between us unless you tell me it is okay to share. I would never put anyone on blast here. We are family here we just don't do that. I have a few that have been on my heart:
* I have not meationed to ya'll I passed my drivers test I now have my permit and I am learning to drive. Yesterday was my first time out since July and I think I did okay. We drove from my house, I packed out and turned with a signal on yesterday. It went really well, keep praying I have till September 24th till it expires.
* A few of my friends, like I said I won't put none on blast but be praying.
* Next Monday, I start training in Hot Springs for two days then come home and train here. So be praying for me and momma as we travel.
Thats about it for now, I will try to write more tonight if I don't please don't be angery with me. Remember I love you always, and Keep Smiling. Your sister in Christ, Lindsey.

Sillyness to brighten my day.

How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns! Isaiah 52:7 (New Living Translation)

I love the fall
I love to read
I love playing with makeup
I have to balance my checkbook to the penny EVERY time
I would love to have a library in my next home
I love to smell new books/magazines... same goes for old books.
I talk so fast people wonder how I'm from the South.
I read an average of 2 books a week.
I LOVE Diet Coke.
The Lord is teaching me to trust Him in a deep way
I have the cast of Touched By An Angel's autography before Valerie Ber. joined the cast. I swore me and John Dye (Andrew) were gonna be married when I was 14. *Laughs*
i love eating fruitsnacks.
My best friend is a man get this guys and an ex. I guess it comes with ten years of putting up with each other. You know I love Joshua if you are reading this.
Always have a Bible Study in the works
I don't like syrup on my pancakes.
I eat my scrambled eggs with ketchup. I used to think this was gross till my dad died and he used to do it now I cant help it.
I love to laugh!
I LOVE making lists!

Happy Birthday Lorna!

Proverbs 17:9 Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Hey Everyone, I hope this blog finds everyone well and blessed. Today is a specail day in my heart and in my life. My darling friend, Lorna would of been 25 today.

In the first picture of me and Lorna in dresses was at our Senior Night. Senior Night was when the Junior Class would honor the seniors. They predicted me and Lorna would be in the nursing homes chasing each other in our hot pink wheelchairs. We were exact opposites in physicality, she was skinny and I was not, she was blonde and I was a burnette. We both stood at 5'4 however. Every summer we would spend together until she went to her sister Leslies and the night she came back we would get together have tacos and a movie night. Lorna and I both did not have junior prom dates so we decided to be each other's. We had a blast we danced with each other, took many pictures on disposible cameras together.

I met Lorna when I was seven years old in second grade. Lorna and I both had Mrs. Freer as a teacher on the first day she set me and Lorna close to each other. We both were very shy, and had nearly matching shirts. Our mothers went to school together that were not that close but knew each other. Me and Lorna on that first day went and played together on recess talked about books and dolls. She gave me her phone number and her exact words were, "I see a friend in you". Over our second grade year we were moved alot because we got so close and the teacher could not shut either one of me and her up. Two shy girls became the best friends. Lorna showed me the power of friendship any more ways than one. As we grew into women, our friendship did not fade. We would go to church together and eventually she is the one who led me to be a Christian. Every weekend either she was over here at my house or I was at her's. By the time we turned nine I was forbidden to call her parents Mr. and Mrs. Thompson it was Momma and Daddy just like it was over here. Lorna was one of six kids she was the baby girl. All the sister's had L names and funny thing is Lorna used to joke and say, "Your just another L over here". My first and only horror movie, Carrie was watched "together". I could not spend the night with her that Halloween because I had gotten sick but we rented the same horror movies and talked on the phone so we could be "together". We watched Carrie and when the hand pops out of the grave I think Lorna slept with her momma that night. I know I did.

In high school we had our up's and our downs but at the end of the day the fighting was over with. Lorna and I our sophomore year had every class together but two and even then we were right next door to one another. I was in band she was in the next room in Art. I was in Biology, she was in Physical Science. I was teased alot in high school for being overweight and still am by some of my classmates. You would think they would be grown up by now? Through my tears I laughed, she always had that way of lifting me up. Lorna left behind a handsome son I have so much to tell when he gets older. His name is Dakota, and what a blessing he is indeed. Here is the following of what Fordyce News Advocate had wrote up for her service:

Lorna Kay Pennington 1985 - 2006 Lorna Kay Pennington, 21, of Fordyce, died Wednesday September 27, 2006 in Camden. She was born in Warren, AR on March 25, 1985. Lorna was a homemaker and a member of the Temple Baptist Church in Fordyce. She is survived by her parents Myzell & Janet Thompson of Fordyce, Ar; her husband James Michael Pennington of Fordyce, AR; a son Dakota Raye Pennington of Fordyce, AR; a brother, Christopher Thompson of Magnolia, AR; four sisters, Laura Herrington of Rison, AR, Leslie Hesselbein of Dover, AR, Renee Reaves of Fordyce, AR, Lana Massey of Camden, AR; and her grandmother, Ivanette Williams of Fordyce, AR. Funeral services are 2:00 pm Friday September 29, 2006 at the Benton Funeral Home Chapel. Burial in Wheeler Cemetery, with the Rev. Mike McEuen & Rev. Bobby Hartgen officiating. Arrangements by Benton Funeral Home of Fordyce.

Heres What the Camden Paper had to say:

Camden News Paper:By DONNA COLLINSStaff Writer

The condition of a Fordyce man and his child have improved after they were injured when the car the father was driving hir a building earlier this week. The man's wife was killed in the accidentAccording to St. Joseph's Mercy Hospital in Hot Springs James Michael Pennington was listed in stable condition today, an improvement from fair condition on Thursday.Pennington's wife, Lorna, was killed in the Wednesday accident on Adams Avenue. The couple's one-year-old child, Dakota, was airlefted from Ouachita County Medical Center to Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock.Dakota's condition was listed today as good, according to a Children's Hospital spoleswoman.Lorna Penningtin, 21, who was reportedly seven months pregnant, was killed when the coupl'e car hit the building at the corner of Adams and Center that once was the Zodiac Club. The builing was being used for storage.Police believe the couple was in route to Ouachita County Medical Center.Lt. DeMoyne Gray of the Camden Police Department's Criminal Investigation Division said today that he spoken to family members who said they had given the couple directions to the hospital.Gray said he hopes to travel to Hot Springs today to interview Pennington, but added that if he did talk to Pennington, the conversation could be limited based on Pennington's condition. Gray say police do not suspect any illegal behavior, but police do want to know as much as possible about what may have contributed to the accident.Witnesses have told police that the car was speeding, ran a red light at Grinstead and Adams, then while attempting to pass a wehicle, clipped and damaged that car, went out of control and hit the building

The night Lorna died I wrote the following poem:

Beautiful Angel Written By: Lindsey Denise Martin

Beautiful Angel in the sky up so high.
Beautiful Angel spread your wings and keep us safe.
Beautiful Angel shed no tears and take away all our fears.
Beautiful Angel reach up so high and then down low for hug to us.
Beautiful Angel with the beautiful eyes watch us and lead not a stray.
Beautiful Angel with the pale skin send no rain but sun full a ray.
Beautiful Angel with the beautiful voice sing us one last song.
Beautiful Angel was just like you and me she did right and wrong.
Beautiful Angel what song is it that sing you sing so might.
Beautiful Angel sings of her family and her friends were her light.
Beautiful Angel sends love to her mate and a kiss or two.
Beautiful Angel sends hugs to her mommy forever and before she parts a quick I love you.
Beautiful Angel takes her daddys hands and hugs him tight and says I love you too.
Beautiful Angel takes her sisters as a group hug and smiles and laughs and before she parts another quick I love you too.
Beautiful Angel takes her brothers hand and smiles and hugs him tighter and says take care of them for me and I love you oh so much.
Beautiful Angel takes her grandmas hand and smiles and hugs her and tells her thank you for everything and I love you and kiss on the cheek.
Beautiful Angel takes her friends and in the middle how she knew that were not just one friend but a whole bunch.
Beautiful Angel whispers to them all I love you and don’t ever give up because I’m not far away.
Beautiful Angel takes her baby boy and spins him round and round laughter fills the heavens and Beautiful Angel sheds a tear.
Beautiful Angel is scared is that he will never know about her that is her one fear.
Beautiful Angel looks back at the people she loves and whisper tell him about me please.
Beautiful Angel hands him back to daddy and says don’t forget to tell him.
Beautiful Angel says tell him how I was and the woman I grew up to be she tells her family.
Beautiful Angel says tell him I love him everyday and how live life to the fullest.
Beautiful Angel sees the gates open up oh so big and bright.
Beautiful Angel beings to glow in the beautiful glow of God’s love.
Beautiful Angel runs to give one more group hug and I love you to all.
Beautiful Angel goes to set on her cloud next to our Lord Savior and smiles and says I will be waiting for you all.
As the gates close quiet the reflection of our sweet angel stays in our hearts and our mind.

To my: sister, best friend, and the angel of music, Happy Birthday Lorna we love you so much and miss you.

Yes its nearly 5AM in Arkansas and I can not for the like of me sleep!

PSA 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil. 9. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

Hey Everyone, I hope this blog finds everyone wonderful and blessed. How has your week been so far? How many of ya'll are on Spring Break? As for me, I am doing okay, just having one of those nights...well okay its 5AM we can say it..mornings. I been doing a lot of thinking..praying here lately about my life and the life of those around me. Sometimes it so easy to get distracted in the way things work in life that we forget to stop and thank GOD for all the wonderful things he has given to us. This week so much has changed my life for the better. I got the job at First Step I cannot thank GOD enough over, and you guys praying for me. This job is different from any other job I have had, it is a "big-girl job" I like to call it. I just pray and hope I do the best I can do. One of hte questions during my interview was, "Why Do I want to work for First Step?" Here was my answer....

Some of these children do not have postive role models at home, which personally breaks my heart. I know I can not be "momma" to be these kids, but I want to be something postive to them. Maybe all they hear is yelling, fighting, cussing here at this school they feel safe and I want to be the teacher of a place they can call home. I believe every single children deserves a chance, a chance to learn, a chance to grow into a strong indiviual, and the chance of love. Years from now I want a child to look back and say Ms. Lindsey, gave me a chance and she had so much love in her. It might not be my first bunch of kids that go through me but one day in my heart it will happen and for that I will be forever blessed. So, the answer to the question it is plain simple to give the love and support and teach these children who might needed a safe haven and who might of been pushed to the side and I refuse for that to happen to anyone of my children, family, or my students.

So..what do you think? Yes, guarnetted these are three and four year olds but I believe learning starts young and the gift of love starts young as well. If they see love they will react to love, if they see violence they react to be a violent towards others. I am very excited about my job. I go to Hot Springs for training on April 5th and 6th, come home and train at the school here. I was totally shocked I got the job, but it just shows us how awesome GOD is when we least expect something he always has a way to turn around and say, "Do not worry I got you, my child". My job will not be easy, but it will be a blessing. I hope to be a hero somewhere out there. Anyone really. There is so much I want to do in my life, and I hope this is one of the gifts GOD has instore for me.

The other day, I got to thinking about charity work. Every year I donate money to the American Heart Association and American Diabetes Association in memory of wonderful daddy. But, there is ever so much more I want to do. I want to be a missionary, I know I have made my mistakes and my faults but that is what makes us all stronger and that is what human relates to. Yes, they relate to humans that have a good life but as someone who was once lost I would also love to hear how someone came from a pit of no return to who they are today. Kinda like a Cinderella story of the Christian lifestyle! I want to change the world and all the people in it. I know I can not change all people but you know guys know what I am saying. I guess that is why I love this blog so much, because in a small way this is my ministry. I let you guys into my life and also you see a glimpse of GOD in every post.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am ever going to get married or have a family. It hurts sometimes I see people all around me getting engaged, in relationships, having families. And, I just take a heavy sigh and say, "One day, Lindsey". But, I know GOD hears every whisper and every tear I shed over that. I know I am only 24 years old and I have alot of life ahead of me it just gets lonely sometimes. My younger sister is getting married in June, and I am not jealous of her at all its just WOW! I am afraid I will go to my ten yr reunion in a few years and having to show for myself. It will be very hard going, they do a memorial for the classmates whom have gone on. And, Lorna was in my class, and Lorna and I always had plans to go to the 10yr reunion together kinda like Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion kinda thing. Its just hard seeing my classmates, I feel like I am exactly where they thought I would be. I just praying for my future spouse and family, and maybe one day "My Prince Will Come".

So, my loves I am gonna close for now and I will write more soon. I changed my layout for a change. Ya'll tell me what yall think. I am so blessed to "know" each and everyone of you. I love you all so very much and Keep Smiling. Your Sister in Christ, Lindsey

Questions about Lindsey

Who are my heros? Jesus first and foremost, my daddy, and Beth Moore. Boy, that is an intresting mix of people.

If you were a crayon what color would you be? Pink! You would think green would be but no dear ones I say pink because it stands out in a crowd and I want to be that to people the one who sticks out.

Am I doing what I really want to do? Yes, after a long time waitting. I about to start a job that will change the lives of children with special needs. I have always wanted to make difference in a person's life. And, I have this blog which I see as ministry. I try to reach out to everyone.

What am I grateful for? My GOD, My Family, My friends, My Books, My education, and the personality GOD put into my body!

Have I seen enough of the world? In my humble opinon, no not hardly. I want to go ministering one day in all 50 states. So far I have accomplished four...Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, and New Mexico. 46 more to go!

What was the toughest time in my life? I've had a few. The day my dad was put to rest, it was like we were burying my best friend. My father was one of the most laid back human beings on this planet. And, saying, "I see you later, Daddy", was heartbreaking. When the man of three years tried to crumble my spirit, when he admitted every single thing he did while we together. This was a man I saw a future in, a man that I thought loved me. I mentally (thank GOD did not go through) bought the wedding dress, wedding ring, and had the kids with! Forgiving him and letting go of him has been the hardest thing since burying my daddy!

What was the easiest time in my life? Learning to LOVE! Spite all my heartbreaks or sadness that has come in my life I have just kept on loving. I love so many people in this world, people I do not even know. Most of you my readers I do not know in real life but I love you all ever so much! That is why I tell you at the end of every blog I love you! Because, in GOD we are to love even when someone despises us, just keep on loving.

If you can meet one person of your choice, dead or alive, known or not, who would this be? Dead- L. Frank Baum, the writer of The Wizard of Oz series always loved his work. Alive- Jesus I am gonna get that one day and oh what a glorious day that will be!

What do you like to do, generally, during the weekend? Movies, I love going to the movies, I do not however do horror movies. I love a good cry and a good laugh in the lack of better words. I love to go to bookstores and get a pile of books and find a chair or a clear space and read. Church is always a must on Sundays.

Your bedside book? I have three actually! Holy Bible- one of my many its a burgendy red color and a KJV. Secondly, we have The Invisible Man by H.G Wells which I will be starting tonight actually, and third we have The Friday Night Knitting Club got for $1 at a book sale we shall see if I enjoy!

The quotation, which you prefer? Helen Keller The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart. Have that on my coffee mug actually, got it at Romancing the Stone.

What will you bring with you on a desert island?? (5 max)?
1. Books lots and lots of books my Bible is in this pile!
2. Friends and Family a must.
3. Totliteres. Shampoo, Toliet Paper that kinda thing.
4. Diet Dr. Pepper
5. More clothing.

The best gift that somebody offers to you? Love.

What do you want people to say about you after you are no longer living? What is your legacy? She was a great person and loved GOD with all her heart. I leave my best friends behind if I was to die young. They have been my rocks. I hope one holds onto the journals of my everso running mind, I have faith in him holding onto them.

You can have one of the followingtwo things: trust/love? love because with love comes trust.. and vise versa

Think of the last person who youreally knew that died. You have thechance to give them 1 hour of lifeback, but you have to give one year ofyour life. Would you? Yes, I would call Lorna's mom and say hey you might wanna give Lorna a ride I am begging you.

When was the last time you told someone you loved them? In person: My mom, on the phone: Christie (sister), and on chat Joshua.

If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had "no regrets" what would it be?" I am sure ya'll are thinking, the man of three years problem and boy are you WRONG. I would go back and stay home with my dad on his last day. Fake being sick to be with him, and get him some help.

Which is worse, failing or never trying? Like my dad used to tell me, "How do you know your gonna fail if you do not try".

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? What does not kill us, makes us stronger.

Just When I Thought About Giving Up!

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)

Hey Guys and Gals, how is everyone? I hope this blog finds everyone wonderful and blessed! This will not be a long blog, for I have alot to do for tomorrow! Today around 2PM my home phone rung and my mom answered it was First Step! Yes, the special education school I had the preschool instructor job interview for last Monday! Well, as of today, March 15th I am now an employee of First Step School! I got the job!! Now, my next goal is to work on my driving. I stayed up nearly all night and last week praying that GOD's will be done. Just when I thought about giving up, and telling GOD I cannot handle it anymore. GOD shows me its okay Lindsey I got you! It has been almost a year since Super Foods closed down and this has been the only opporitunity GOD has shown me. My two year degree is in this field, and I was really hoping to get it. And, GOD showed me so much this week already and its only Monday. So, Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for the prayers and the wonderful comments. I will write more soon. I love you all and Keep Smiling!!

T.G.I.F = Thank GOD Im Forgiven

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16) "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28) "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9).

Hey Guys, how are yall?! I hope everyone is wonderful and blessed. If you are new to my blog or just stopping for a visit, welcome and my love goes to you. If you have been reading me for awhile, come on in my love goes to you as well! Grab yourself a snack and a nice cold or hot beverage and make yourself at home and know that you are in good hands and safe in my blog! Any prayer request post them as a comment or email me at booknerd4christ@gmail.com that email is just for you guys. If you have a funny foward and thought I would like it send it too. Send me email I love it and I promise you I will return something. I know I havent wrote in a little bit, I tell ya this sista is wooped. But, things are ever so much better. My heart is healing daily, my love for GOD grows every single moment of every single day, and things are looking I might have a light at the end of my tunnel.

Now, guys and gals have you ever thought about this concept...we are forgiven. For everything we ever done wrong, from the smallest of small to the biggest of big we are forgiven. We have a wonderful Savior that forgives us. Sometimes as humans, I know this be true I suffer with it, we want man's (human's) forgiveness, as Christians we are to forgive those whom have hurt us and we should forgive ourselves for hurting them and ourselves. But, have you set there and thought about this. Jesus died on the Christ for each and every one of us and we did not even ask him to HE just did. He died so we could be forgiven. It blows my mind that some of the mistakes I have made and will make he forgives me for.. is he insane, am I insane. WOW! We were forgiven and washed that beautiful blood (I know sounds werid and gross but roll with me) we did not even realize that when he died WE were on his mind. All of us, every single sin every single one of us was on his heart and mind. I cannot tell you how that blows my mind. There are things in my life that I ashamed of and I look in my heart and my life and I am like how can someone forgive me for all the wrong I have done. But you listen to that little voice and it says forgive yourself, I have forgiven you that moment it happend but you gotta go half way dear one, Amen!

Human forgiveness...now you might be asking Lindsey, what did they put in your diet coke, sweetie? But, go with me. Alot of times we want man to forgive us and we think, "Oh if man's forgiven me then I don't need to worry about GOD." Have you lost your marbles? You should go to GOD in forgiveness, not just that but everything. Yes, I tell the people I've done wrong to, I'm sorry. But, to me forgiveness is ever so much more than I am sorry! When I say I am sorry to GOD, you talk about some waterworks. I think alot of times us as humans do not see the BIG picture, its all about love at the end of the day. What does to say about LOVE? Lets see, Matthew 5:44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you....! So, What am I saying in that Bible Verse? Love everyone, yeap even the nosie neighbor across the street love him or her. Pray for those whom persecute you...sometimes we say, "Oh GOD can handle them". Yes, that is true but you pray for them as well. Because, maybe they know not what they do. Luke 23:34: But Jesus was saying, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves.

In my life, in my Bible time which has grown to three times a day. Yes, I know that is alot of reading and that is alot of Diet Coke I assure you. I have a notebook I write sermon notes in, notes I've made on my free time, Beth Moore notes ( I love her so much!), and I have a section for prayer request that is why I urge the prayer reqest no prayer reqest is to small or to big send it on. My prayer list is two and half pages long. I pray for my family, my friends, my cat, my ex boyfriends, the couple that moved next door, you get what I am saying everyone. Even if these people do not see the pain they did or do to me I pray for them. I have some on that list that I have only met one time, don't know their names at all. Like, I have a old lady I met at the pharamcy who is having eye surgery that is her name lady at pharamcy having eye surgery. GOD knows who she is and what is going on. So, my challenge to you my wonderful readers, pray for someone today/tonight. Forgive someone. Remember I love you always and Keep Smiling.

Talk about a busy weekend!!

Wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil.
James 3:16 (New Living Translation)

Holy Cow!, I have never been so happy to sit down in my life. So much has gone on this weekend. On Thursday, my beautiful sister came home earlier since her Friday class was canceled.

Friday morning me, momma, Christie, and her roomate and bridesmaid, Krissy loaded up and headed to Hot Springs to Hobby Lobby for wedding goodies. That we did! We were in Hobby Lobby maybe five minutes and my cell phone rung and it was from a number I did not recognize and it was First Step! First Step is a school here in my town that is for special needs children and adults. I applied about a week and a half ago about a preschool instructor job, and they called to see if I was still intrested in a job with them. I am no doubt, so I have an interview this Monday (8th) at 1PM! I was so happy I let out this huge burst of giggles in Hobby Lobby. Everyone be praying for me. I will post how the interview goes later today. Anyway, at Hobby Lobby we found flowers and other things. Christie is not gonna let us carry a boquet of flowers they are gonna be silk lavender and baby pink roses tied with a lavender ribbon! Goregous! We went to the mall, they did not buy anything. But, I did...I have a thing for purfumes and the awesome sales Victoria's Secert has. So, I got 8 body splashes for $35. Didnt need to spend that much, but I will use it. But, one was for Christie who loves the one I wear the most and a Vanilla Lace for Robbie who loves it and is out. We went to Ryans afterwards to eat, and ate too much. I love their rolls when they are super hot! Yumo!

Saturday...me, mom, Christie, and Melissa (a school friend of Christies) went to Little Rock. Christie had got an email from David's Bridal they were having a $99 wedding dress sale. So, she booked an appointment for 10:30. We got there in no time, had a blast! Christie was waitted on by a wonderful wedding cordinator, Marsha! We love her, so nice warm and fresh. Made Christie feel at ease. Christie tried on two dresses, yes two! And, her dress was the first one she tried on. Her dress is goregous, I could not take a picture because Cody would be find a way to see it and no peeking. LOL! It is breathe taking. Christie's wedding party will be getting a discount if we buy our dresses there. I am considering it, I just have to have a shawl I hate my arms. But, her dress was more that $99 I assure you. But, it is going to be a beautiful wedding. When Christie came out in the first dress, it was the dress mom was pointing in the book they gave her she loved. I started to cry for a minute, but got shortly over it. My dad is in heaven smiling. We also went to Hobby Lobby in Little Rock while they were in there I went to Mardels, bought a brown and pink journal with Joshua 1:9 on it. For those do not know that is my favorite bible verse. We went to McCain mall, no more shopping for me. I bought Backyard Burger, one word: YUMO!

Sunday...Me, mom, Christie, and Cody went to church this Sunday. Came home made lausage, salad, and garlic bread. It was a very low key Sunday we were all so worn out from this weekend. So, everyone keep me and my family in prayers. I love you all and Keep Smiling. Later, I will be writing a post about Daddy today is his birthday! All my love!

And my eyes see...

And I'll praise You in this storm. And I will lift my hands. For You are who You are. No matter where I am. And every tear I've cried. You hold in Your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn. I will praise You in this storm.

Instead of opening with a Bible Verse I thought I would open with my favorite song's chorus. It has been the most moving song to me these past few months. So much is going on in my life or in all of our lives, sometimes all we can do is reach up and say, "Take it GOD, Take it all"! I am learning day by day that you can not just give GOD a little bit, not half, you have to give it all to him. See, I have always tried to handle things myself, thinking oh GOD can get whats left. Nuh-uh Brothers and Sisters, that is the biggest mistake possible. As you might of noticed I have not blogged deeply in a very long time. For that I am deeply and truely sorry. This blog is my ministry and not only have I failed on ya'll I have failed on sharing the love of Jesus. So, I am asking for an apologize, dear ones.

If you have guys are new to my blog, hello to you, jump right on in..grab you a diet coke (in my case), a coke, coffee, hot cocoa, whatever tickles that funny bone. I am so glad you found my blog, welcome and I love you. For those whom have been following, grab a beverage and many hugs and blessings I send to yall and I love you also! So, my beauties whats new? Anyone scream at the computer already? I have! I feel so bad for not keeping up with you guys. I am gonna get better, I promise. It's just I am thinking I am so stressed the gray is gonna start poking out at 24, who is with me with the gray hair! *Laughing* . So lets do updated Lindsey time... then I will ask ya'll some questions sounds good to me.

Okay...where to begin. Okay lets see, as I meationed my beautiful baby sister is getting married in May. Correction in the program: She is getting married in June. June 19th to be exact. So praise our beautiful SAVIOR I get an extra three weeks to prepare myself. I know its all about Christie, but sweet mother pearl's this is why I am stressing. 1. I am Maid of Honor. 2. Me in a dress + and heals oh this is gonna be fun. But, all in all I am very excited for Christie. Its just mind boggling that my little sister whom I played finger paints with is getting married! My dad's youngest brother, Mickey will be walking Christie down the alie. Secondly, as I have wrote in a previous blog my mother has not been to church since my father died. It has been really hard for her. Well, my prayers have been answered she has for two weeks be going to church. She does not sit in her old spot, she actually likes her new spot better. And, she seems to be enjoying it. I go with her to morning services and in the evening ones me, her, Christie, and Cody (Christies fiance) go with her. So, everyone be praying she keeps up the good progress.

In the month and a half I have not blogged I been doing alot of thinking and soul searching. Through that time I have found my favorite song the lyrics I just posted. The first time I heard this song, I was listening to K-Love on my computer and it was this December and tears just started pouring out of my soul. And, I have never heard this song, I googled the lyrics and when the chorus came on, I had the lyrics up I had my hands up in my room, sobbing and singing along to the song. It has made that much of a difference in my life. GOD has never left me, even when I was torn to shreds he was always there for me to catch me. My daddy used to joke with me, do not fall for anyone whom is not willing to catch you. I have learned what matters, what to stress over, what to "worry" over, and sometimes all we can do is say, I give up. And, that is what I did I said I give up, and stopped fighting myself. I let GOD take it from my back, my heart, and my soul. I am learning to forgive and forget. And, I see the postive now.

On day a week or so ago my faith I could just feel it slipping from my grasp. I was conteplating shutting down this blog. Which, I am not now. Also that night, I found some evidence of my two ex's and on my facebook I have seen three of my high school classmates get engaged. And, I thought I am single and no one wants me. I must of done something wrong, I must of failed somewhere. It must be my fault I am alone. Maybe the man of three years was my prince charming and I screwed it up somehow. Or, maybe it was the ex I just recently had and thought maybe he was I just screwed that up too. I made a list that was two pages long of some of the mistakes I had made and was heart broken by what I saw. I flopped my Bible open, I lie none to you it showed up 1st Corithians 13: 4-8 the love definiton. And, I got to thinking about my heart, it needs to heal. I need to heal, I need to take a deep breathe and realize I am gonna be okay. I need time, for Lindsey. Love is patient..love does not come easy. And, I give Robbie advice about men all the time, and my number one advice to her is this. Maybe its not you GOD is waitting on maybe its the other end maybe GOD is working on him before you two get together.

So, with much prayer and daily steps towards a better tomorrow I am getting stronger. And, my ministry is going to be back on track. You guys have been some of the most wonderful readers, and my new ones welcome. I am looking foward to getting to know you. I have missed you all, I truely have. I hope and pray all of you are wonderful and things are going okay. If you have prayer request do not hestiate to let me know. I pray for each and everyone of you. You are all so wonderful, beautiful, and talented. GOD loves you, GOD is so proud of you. Here I am gonna leave with some verses: I love you and Keep Smiling!

Psalms 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow: strengthen me according to your word.
Isaiah 41:10 Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.
Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalms 138:1 Thessalonians 5:11-13 Therefore exhort one another, and build each other up, even as you also do. But we beg you, brothers, to know those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you,and to respect and honor them in love for their work’s sake. In the day that I called, you answered me. You encouraged me with strength in my soul.

Where on earth have I been?

Then you will have success if you are careful to observe the decrees and laws that the LORD gave Moses for Israel. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.1 Chronicles 22:13

Where have I been? Well, my computer (my personal computer) was dead to the world. In meaning, someone sent me a grand total of 32 viruses and dummy self let my virus protection run out and it killed my computer. But, I got it back today. So be looking for more updates soon. I am so happy. My mom let me use her computer but I like my privacy. So, I will be updating more and more now. Thank GOD. I have missed ya'll beyond words. So much is going on its beyond crazy. My beautiful sister is getting married June 19th so we are planning that and my family has gone back to church all together. I would go but getting my mom was so very hard. Now, as of last Sunday we been going as a family. You do not know how happy that makes me. Things are going well.

We Miss You, Daddy!

Joshua 1:9 (New International Version)Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Today on this very day, my wonderful father five years ago was called home to his personal LORD and SAVIOR. My father had diabetes and had a massive heartattack at home. He was fifty seven years old. He was married to my mother for thirty five years and had me and my sister, Christie whom will be 20 tomorrow. My fathers hobbies included: Rooting for the Arkansas Razorbacks, fishing, bird watching, and listening to planes on the scanner. He was on of six children three sisters and two brothers. My dad's full name was Dennis Larkin Martin. Me and my sisters names involved out my dads name.

Lindsey - my dad's mom's madien name was Lindsey.

Denise - was the femimine version of my daddys name.

Lynn - Christies middle name- was what my silly daddy told my mother his middle name was on their first date.

My dad was one of the funniest and talkest men you will ever met. He never met a stranger, people loved him the moment they talked to him. He actted as of he had known you his whole life. At family reunions he loved to act like the older generation and make jokes. He loved his family so much and proud of each and everyone of them. My dad was not a tall man he was around 5'9. His smile would shine up the room, people say I have his smile. This short but I wanted to just stop by and show you guys the love of my daddy on this hard day for me and my family.
I love you all and Keep Smiling!

Am I still here?

Isaiah 12:2 Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Hello my lovely readers, how are each and everyone of you? I know I am slacking on my promise but ALOT has been going on and I need to start 2010 off to a fresh start. I am working on some things about me that I needed to do with GOD and GOD alone at this point. I have realized whom and what are important in my life. Sometimes, we have to find out the hard way. Sometimes it has to litterally kick us in the stomatch and wake us up. Heres the low down on me I will write tomorrow since something has been canceled in my planner. If I do not write please do not be mad at me.

1. I realized like I meationed who and what are important in my life. My daddy used to tell me, "The people you need in your life are the ones that say they need you in theirs". I truely believe that. I might only have two best friends but that is okay I am very blessed to have those two and I will never take them for guarnetted again. There have been countless people who have walked out on me, but it makes all the more loving towards the ones I have and the acceptance of the world is not a beautiful place. I am talking about people in general will sometimes let you down.

2. 2010 - New Changes New Beginnings. As I have posted before, I think I have, sorry sometimer moment. But, I am going back to college full-time in the fall. Okay beautiful people, I will be 25 in July I do not ya'll hear me NOT want to live in a dorm. So, my wonderful Robbie has to find a teaching job by this summer (major prayer request people) and she has to still go to the college we go to. So, she wants me to move in with her. I have made my mind up, I am gonna move in with her. I want you guys to be praying for me and her.

3. Another prayer request, my beautiful baby sister is getting in May yes as in this year May. She will be 20 in two weeks so everyone put her on your prayer list for her and Cody. Cody is okay I guess, I mean I tolerate him. I want them to find a good church to go to and start it off right. She told my mom Tuesday and suprising she did not flip out but is not thrilled. And, as the maid of honor that is all I am gonna be doing till May gets here and onward is praying.

4. Count your blessings before you complain. I wanna say it was Tuesday, I basically live at Robbies so I cant remember (laughs). Anyhow, me, her and P.J (my adopted necie shes Robbies real necie) were laying on the bed watching TV and I was down in the dumps because I was stupidly thinking no one loves me. Because Christie has Cody, my mom had my dad, everyone in my life is happy. Out of the blue P.J jumps on Robbie and they get in a tickle war and P.J calls out, AUNT LINDSEY, Robbies being mean save me. She jumped in my lap and just hugged me, that my friends and readers is love. When a six year old little girl hops into your lap and wants to make you smile that is love. Everytime I go over to Robbies I am feel so much love. P.J is my favorite little girl and I would do anything for her. Come to think of it I owe that baby a blue scarf! LOL!

I have a few prayer request:

Last night after Robbie took me home not even 15 mins after we got home she called and said they have taken her Aunt Veda in at St. Vincents and they are calling in all the family. Her aunt has stomatch cancer. The last word I had Momma Sonya was that her breathes were getting shorter and shorter. Last night I went and spent the night with Robbie so she would have someone there for her at the house. P.J was asleep and Jeremy had to work. So, Robbie needed someone, when I get more news I will post it. But, she will be going home eventually everyone.

Be praying for Robbie- like I meationed the teaching job thing and she is just having a lot on her heart and mind here lately.

Of course the Hati population.

I am gonna run for now, if you guys have any prayer request please comment below I will most definately be praying. I love you all and Keep Smiling!