Keep your eyes on the SON

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ...

Hey Everyone, I hope this blog finds everyone safe, blessed, stress-free, and healthy. As you guys have noticed or not thats okay I won't hold it against you my blogs have not been so heartfelt here lately and I just been filling the time on stupid tag's I found on youtube. My ministry and my outreach has slipped some. Alot has been going on and I thought I would be brave and a true woman of GOD and share what is going on.

First and foremost, I am feeling alone. I know that I have an amazing GOD I worship, a family that loves me, friends that I am blessed to have, school paid for, and a little bit of cash to my name. But sometimes it seems like there should be more. I feel empty sometimes like I want to scream, or hit my pillow or just ball up and cry. I have felt like this for awhile, and if I try to tell my mom about it she say's I am being a drama queen or selfish. I know that I need to talk to someone, but there is nothing I can do about it. I wish I had a crystal ball and could see what my future held. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda's. I wake up every morning and think, there has got to be more than life than just me waking up, taking a bath/shower, reading my Bible, studying, and playing on the computer and friends. I want to be active, I want to have a life. I miss working, I have applied for every postion I know that I have the education or the knowledge to do in my small town.

Secondly, my heart needs to heal. As ya'll have read my heart has been broken. It is hard getting over things that happen. My heart does not just break because I do not have a boyfriend, fiance, or a husband. It is just I miss my dad, I miss Lorna, I miss just having the courage to go on. I am ready to go back to school full-time, I miss it beyond words, it makes me feel important. My mind is busy. Be back in a place where I can worship GOD all the time and not be disturbed. I miss having a good laugh and not feel bad about it. My mom constantly drags me down, she acts like the best mom in the world to people's faces then when she gets to know you or when we are alone that is a totally different story. When I go back to school the most I can do is hit End Call, problem solved.

Third, I am suffering with poor body image. I am sure as a woman this is completly normal. But, I see women who are skinny and are like "Oh, I'm fat" and it makes me sick to my freaking stomatch. I am like I would kill for your stomatch, sister! I know I need to learn to be comfortable with my own skin but that is the hard part sometimes. I know I need to loose weight, my diet has gone down the drain but I am cutting back. I just want to be happy with Lindsey. It's very hard when all you hear is negative from someone 24/7. I can probably count on two hands how many times she has said I love you to me in the past five years. That is very painful.

So, what I am asking for my dear friends is be praying for me. I know these are things I need to work and I am. I have no where else to reach for, and ya'll have been so wonderful and supportive to me I know I can depend on ya'll. I am gonna be working on me and I will be blogging. I love my blog and my ministry will get stronger. I just thought ya'll deserved a reason why I have not been myself here lately. I love you all so very much and Keep Smiling.

REV 3:5 He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels.


1. I write on anything! If I get inspired to write something so I won't forget it I write it on everything. Napkins, recepits, my hand, anything. You can't just shut down some inspiration.

2. The people who do not know me think I am shy the people who know me wish I would shut up. I love to talk, its just around people I am really nervous around but give me five minutes I act as if I have known you my whole life.

3. I do not have a favorite color techinally. I wear every color, I am a very bright dresser. If I am wearing a plain t-shirt I jazz it up with earrings or necklaces or a scarf. I am always creative. So, if I had to name my favorite it'd be pink or kelly green.

4. I always have a book with me. Right now the book in my person is "Catcher in the Rye". So, if I am stranded with time to kill I always have a book handy so it will keep my mind busy.

5. I very seldom get cold. If I do its because I don't feel well, or tired, or just kinda nippy. If I get cold I usually carry a hoodie with me just to cover my arms. I always have three fans going in my room yearly. My dad used to joke I could hang meat in my room it was so cold.

6. My dreams are very detialed. I keep a journal and a pen tucked under my pillow every night so I plop up and write it down. I remember everything about my dreams.

7. I have enbraced my love of being a nerd. I use to be so senstive about being made fun of now its just like okay whatever. I know I am different but that is what makes us all beautiful.

8. I love to make people laugh. Even though I am having a bad day I try to make someone else's day a little bit better.

9. I always tell people I love them! Like my friends, old coworkers when I see them, some of my favorite customers.

10. I have a best friend who is a male and an EX. Joshua and I if you have not read my blog post about him you should. He is a wonderful man and I would not trade him for anything in this world. We break the rules of ex's cant be friends..well we are best friends.

11. I am not understood by my mother. My mother and I went to see New Moon again Tuesday, and there is a preview for Sherlock Holmes. I love Sherlock Holmes and she knows it, she said "You wouldnt like something like that." This is also the same mother who thinks I love romance novels.

12. I cry at least once a day for about 10mins or less over my dad.

13. My favorite literary characters are Ozma, The Scarecrow, Sherlock Holmes, Matilda, Susan (off Narnia books), Klara (off Heidi), and Sara Crew.

14. I love coffoe..anyway you do it will drink it.

15. My father was my best friend in this house. My dad knew me better than anyone for a long time, I still say he does. When I was 12yrs old I wanted this Sherlock Holmes detective kit and I meationed only once. Next week when I passed my spelling test it was in the seat waitting for me.

16. People say I look like my mom and act like my dad. I take that as the greatest compliament in the world.

17. One time in high school me and Lorna got in a fight like a pulling hair claws came out fight and when the teachers pulled us apart they asked if me and her were aware of we were fighting with each other. That is one of the funniest memories of my life.

18. I am gonna need a room in my future house just for the books.

19. I am very opionated. If you do not like what I tell you do not ask me. I guess that is why I am enjoying the whole counselor theory I want to be.

20. I guess Joshua is right..I bring kidney infections onto myself. I drink around a two liter of diet coke or diet dr pepper daily.

21. I miss my long hair, I am growing it out again and do not plan on cutting it for awhile. I learned from my mistake on that one.

22. I am more of a salty than a sweet person. I hardly ever get a sweet tooth if I want something sweet I want something sweet and stand back.

23. I have too many posters in my room we got: The Wizard of Oz, New Moon, Team Jasper and Alice, Chinese love, and The Neverending Story.

24. When I was five I feel and busted my head open 134 staples buddy. Honestly I never even felt it, did not know what happened until someone put their hand on the back of my head and blood was pouring out.

25. This blog is one of the greatest joys in my life.

This Just IN.....


I do not know all the details but my friend Robbies cousion and five children have been involved in a bad wreak here in Fordyce if you mind could be praying for the family.

ROM 2:7 To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.


Hey Everyone! I hope everyone is doing well, blessed, and at ease. If not, sit back take a load off and just take it all in. I been doing alot of thinking here lately, which sometimes gets me in trouble. I am finding out alot about life, people, journey of what we call life, and the word of GOD. I read my Bible three times a day: once in the morning before I start my day, in the afternoon I give myself thirty minutes just sit back drink a cup of sweet tea or diet coke, and at night for an hour or more. I give myself this time because it eases my day, takes the stress off a tad. I write this blog not because I have too or I want to boast about certain things, it is to share the word of GOD through my writing. All my life I have been a writer - I wrote, tv show eposides of my favorite shows, I wrote articles, I wrote plays, and now as a young woman I want to be an inspirtaional writer. If I have changed one life, it has made all the difference. GOD is so good and he has given all special gifts. In the Bible these are called Spiritual Gifts.

ADMINISTRATION: 1 Cor. 12:28 - to steer the body toward the accomplishment of God-given goals and directives by planning, organizing, and supervising others (Greek Word: kubernesis - to steer, guide, helmsmen)

APOSTLE: Eph. 4:11; 1 Cor. 12:28 - to be sent forth to new frontiers with the gospel, providing leadership over church bodies and maintaining authority over spiritual matters pertaining to the church (Greek Word: apostolos - 'apo'=from 'stello'=send; one sent forth)

CELIBACY: 1 Cor. 7:7,8 - to voluntarily remain single without regret and with the ability to maintain controlled sexual impulses so as to serve the Lord without distraction

DISCERNMENT: 1 Cor. 12:10 - to clearly distinguish truth from error by judging whether the behavior or teaching is from God, Satan, human error, or human power

EVANGELISM: Eph. 4:11 - to be a messenger of the good news of the Gospel (Greek Word: euaggelistes - preacher of gospel; eu=well, angelos=message - messenger of good)

EXHORTATION: Rom. 12:8 - to come along side of someone with words of encouragement, comfort, consolation, and counsel to help them be all God wants them to be (Greek Word: paraklesis - calling to one’s side)

FAITH: 1 Cor. 12:8-10 - to be firmly persuaded of God’s power and promises to accomplish His will and purpose and to display such a confidence in Him and His Word that circumstances and obstacles do not shake that conviction

GIVING: Rom. 12:8 - to share what material resources you have with liberality and cheerfulness without thought of return

HEALING: 1 Cor. 12:9,28,30 - to be used as a means through which God makes people whole either physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually

HELPS: 1 Cor. 12:28 - to render support or assistance to others in the body so as to free them up for ministry

HOSPITALITY: 1 Pet. 4:9,10 - to warmly welcome people, even strangers, into one’s home or church as a means of serving those in need of food or lodging (Greek Word: philoxenos - love of strangers; ‘philos’=love; ‘xenos’=stranger)

KNOWLEDGE: 1 Cor. 12:8 - to seek to learn as much about the Bible as possible through the gathering of much information and the analyzing of that data

LEADERSHIP: Rom. 12:8 - to stand before the people in such a way as to attend to the direction of the body with such care and diligence so as to motivate others to get involved in the accomplishment of these goals

MARTYRDOM: 1 Cor. 13:3 - to give over one’s life to suffer or to be put to death for the cause of Christ

MERCY: Rom. 12:8 - to be sensitive toward those who are suffering, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, so as to feel genuine sympathy with their misery, speaking words of compassion but moreso caring for them with deeds of love to help alleviate their distress

MIRACLES: 1 Cor. 12:10,28 - to be enabled by God to perform mighty deeds which witnesses acknowledge to be of supernatural origin and means

MISSIONARY: Eph. 3:6-8 - to be able to minister in another culture

PASTOR: Eph. 4:11 - to be responsible for spiritually caring for, protecting, guiding, and feeding a group of believers entrusted to one’s care

PROPHECY: Rom. 12:6; 1 Cor. 12:10; Eph. 4:11 - to speak forth the message of God to His people (Greek Word: prophetes - the forth-telling of the will of God;‘pro’=forth; ‘phemi’=to speak)

SERVICE: Rom. 12:7 - to identify undone tasks in God’s work, however menial, and use available resources to get the job done (Greek Word: diakonia - deacon, attendant ‘diako’=to run errands)

TEACHING: Rom. 12:7; 1 Cor. 12:28; Eph. 4:11 - to instruct others in the Bible in a logical, systematic way so as to communicate pertinent information for true understanding and growth

TONGUES: 1 Cor. 12:10; 14:27-28 - to speak in a language not previously learned so unbelievers can hear God’s message in their own language or the body be edified

INTERPRETATION OF TONGUES: 1 Cor. 12:10; 14:27,28 - to translate the message of someone who has spoken in tongues

VOLUNTARY POVERTY: 1 Cor. 13:3 - to purposely live an impoverished lifestyle to serve and aid others with your material resources

WISDOM: 1 Cor. 12:8 - to apply knowledge to life in such a way as to make spiritual truths quite relevant and practical in proper decision-making and daily life situations

Now my question to you in return, as a comment leave me what you believe is your spirtiual gift. I want to know more about you guys. I want to know how you figure this is your gift, or how you came to realize it is. I love to know. Let me know! I love ya'll tons and Keep Smiling.

I know every book of mine by its smell, and I have but to put my nose between the pages to be reminded of all sorts of things. ~George Robert Gissing

Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled "This could change your life." ~Helen Exley

A house without books is like a room without windows. ~Heinrich Mann

Books. To my left and to my right in my small room my labatory, my comfort zone, I am safe here. I have made many of journeys without even leaving my room. I've gone down Swann's Way, Ive got floating a raft with Huck and Jim, I've skipped down a Yellow Brick Road with my favorite Scarecrow, and I've rode on the back of a luckdragon. On in this very room. I found this tag on my search on Google, and I will share my favorite books that I re-read and if you have any questions please post them. I will answer you as soon as I can get to them. Do not freet my New Moon review and story is coming. Now, onto my list. It will be just a list but if you want a summary or a review please ask.

Albert Einstein - Ideas & Opinions
Agatha Christie - The Mysterious Affair at Styles
Aldus Huxley - Brave New World
Alexander Pope - An Essay on Man
Alexandre Dumas - The Man in the Iron Mask
Alice Hoffman - Practical Magic
Alice Walker - The Color Purple
Ambrose Bierce - The Devil's Dictionary
Amy Tan - The Joy Luck Club
Anna Sewell - Black Beauty
Anne Frank - Diary of a Young Girl
Anne Rice - Interview with a Vampire
Anne Rice - The Witching Hour
Anonymous - Go Ask Alice
Aristotle - Poetics
Arthur C. Clarke - 2001: A Space Odyssey
Arthur Conan Doyle - The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Arthur Conan Doyle - The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
Arthur Golden - Memoirs of a Geisha
Arthur Miller - Death of a Salesman
Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged
Baroness Emmuska Orczy - The Scarlet Pimpernel
Beatrix - The Great Big Treasury of Beatrix Potter
Betty Smith - A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Beverly Cleary - Dear Mr. Henshaw
Brian Stableford - Sexual Chemistry: Sardonic Tales of the Genetic Revolution
C. S. Lewis - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
C. S. Lewis - Prince Caspian
Carroll - Through The Looking Glass
Carson McCullers - The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter
Charles Frazier - Cold Mountain
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Charles Dickens - Bleak House
Charles Dickens - David Copperfield
Charles Dickens - Nicholas Nickleby
Charles Dickens - The Pickwick Papers
Charlotte Perkins Gilman - The Yellow Wallpaper
Christopher Marlowe - Dr. Faustus
D.H. Lawrence - Sons and Lovers
Daniel Defoe - Moll Flanders
Daniel Goleman - Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Keyes - Flowers For Algernon
Donald Norman - The Psychology of Everyday Things
Douglas Adams - The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy: A Trilogy in Four Parts
Dr. Seuss - Green Eggs and Ham
E.B. White - Charlotte's Web
Edgar Allan Poe - Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe
Edith Wharton - Ethan Frome
Edith Wharton - House of Mirth
Edith Wharton - The Age of Innocence
Ernest Hemingway - For Whom the Bell Tolls
Ernest Hemingway - The Sun Also Rises
Ernest J. Gaines - A Lesson Before Dying
Eudora Welty - Collected Stories
F. Dostoyevsky - The Idiot
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
Frances Hodgson Burnett - A Little Princess
Frances Hodgson Burnett - The Secret Garden
Francis Bacon - Essays of Francis Bacon
Frank McCourt - Angela's Ashes: A Memoir
Franz Kafka - The Metamorphosis
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Fyodor Dostoevsky - Crime and Punishment
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Notes From The Underground
Gabriel Garcia Marquez - Love in the Time of Cholera
Gabriel Garcia Marquez - One Hundred Years of Solitude
George Eliot - Silas Marner
George Orwell - Animal Farm
George Orwell - Nineteen Eighty-Four
Gregory Maguire - Wicked
Gustave Flaubert - Madame Bovary
H. G. Wells - The Tiime Machine
Hans Christian Andersen - The Complete Fairy Tales and Stories
Henry David Thoreau - Walden
Henry James - Daisy Miller
Henry James - The Turn of the Screw
Henry James - The Portrait of a Lady
J. D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
J. D. Salinger - The Catcher in the Rye
J. M. Barrie - Peter Pan
J. R.R. Tolkien - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
James Fenimore Cooper - The Last Of The Mohicans
James Joyce - A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man
James Joyce - Dubliners
Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice
Jane Austen - Sense and Sensibility
John Grisham - The Rainmaker
John Steinbeck - Of Mice and Men
John Steinbeck - The Grapes of Wrath
Joseph Heller - Catch 22
Jules Verne - Journey to the Center of the Earth
Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels - The Communist Manifesto
Kate Chopin - The Awakening, and Selected Short Stories
Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse Five
L Frank Baum - The Wonderful Wizard of Oz series
L. Frank Baum - Ozma of Oz
L. M. Montgomery - Anne of Green Gables
Laura Ingalls Wilder - Little House on the Prairie
Leo Tolstoy - Anna Karenina
Lois Lowery - The Giver
Louisa May Alcott - Little Women
Madeleine L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Marion Zimmer Bradley - The Mists of Avalon
Maya Angelou - I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings
Michael Ende - The Neverending Story
Mitch Albom - Tuesdays With Morrie
Neil Gaiman - Snow White, Blood Red

A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.1 Peter 4:8

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.1 John 4:7

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.1 John 4:18

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.Colossians 3:14

Hello Everyone, I hope this post finds everyone well and blessed. Today I decided to write about love, and the true meanings. The quote I first put on this blog, I have as my facebook status and my twitter account. I hold that quote close to my heart. I posted alot of Bible verses about love today because all of them touched me one way or another. I have had LOVE on my heart, mind, and spirit alot here lately. Maybe it's I'm lonely, maybe it's I need to take some time out for the day, or possibly I am glad with just being Lindsey for now. For those of you new to my blog a BIG welcome to you, I am sending out and all the LOVE in my heart to you as well.

As you guy's have read, I have not had the best of luck with dating. I have made mistakes, I have fallen on my face more than once. Even though I prayed with one boyfriend, went to church with two, that does not always mean GOD was in the relationship. I have been since the break-up with my last boyfriend for GOD to make his will in my life known. On his timing, not mine. I know I have set my standards really high for me to date someone but GOD knows what he wants with me. I do not in the slightest want to rush him or tell him what to do with my life. It is so hard now-days to find a great Christian man who respects you, and will understand you. I have on my left hand ring finger, a "LOVE" ring. Which means to me in my heart, I will not have sex again till I am married. But, it also means that I am all GOD's if he wants me to have the graces of a relationship he will bless it. My day will come. Someday my prince will come. I don't know when or how, but GOD always has your best intrest at heart. I heard from a youth minister one time that GOD answers things three ways: Yes, No, I have something better in store.

To me Love, is a hard for me to say or belive in sometimes. But, I know I have to turn it all over to GOD. Not just saying, "GOD take care of this for me." It is more of the lines of, "GOD, I turn to you and I give it ALL to you." Notice the word: ALL. Not just some, half, a little bit but ALL. The word all is defined as used with either mass or count nouns to indicate the whole number or amount. I also know that you can not just go to GOD when the storm gets rough, you have to go to him with ALL things. Are ya'll seeing a pattern of how I am loving the word ALL? We have to go to him when we have a headache to when we want his help or guidance. All things. I remember so many times, I am guility of when I am in a relationship to turn to the man I was with and say, "Fix it". Instead, I should of turned to GOD and said "GOD, Fix It". Because man has nothing on the Lord Jesus.

I know I am only day two of my diet, and boy its been a stressful two days. I been wanting Chinese like it is no tomorrow. But, every morning I get out of bed and pray for the new day GOD has given me. And, if it is to be my last so be it. You all know I love you, my family does, my friends, and I have nothing else to give or show for it. My diet has not only been a weight-loss plan but a get closer-to-GOD plan. I need to keep my eyes on the SON. I know that GOD has a beautiful planned, even if it is raining you have "Praise him in the storm." I know the meaning of the song, and it is very true. We have to praise GOD even though when times get rough. When we seem like there is no way. There are so many days I wanna stay in bed and think, "Ugh..I miss my dad I want to stay in bed." No, I get up and praise the GOD who gives because of him I was given a handsome and loving father. I still do, I have a father that loves me no matter what this world throws at me, or will hand me in return.

So, what I am saying my beautiful readers is I challenge ya'll is to tell someone you love them. I tell you every time I write because we never know it will be our last, it is true I do love you, and some of you the only time you hear it is through me. And, the keep smiling comes from usually when you tell someone you love them. A smile comes on that face, that just glows like the SON. You see how I got my catch phrase. I am gonna go work on some Social Problems. My email is open to prayer request, praise reports, diet recipes, just needing someone. My arms are open: booknerd4christ@gmail.com. I love you and Keep Smiling, Lindsey.

Matthew 5:39-46 But I tell you, don’t resist him who is evil; but whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. If anyone sues you to take away your coat, let him have your cloak also. Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.Give to him who asks you, and don’t turn away him who desires to borrow from you.“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same?

WOW! I had to use a long verse today! How is everyone? I hope everyone is well and extremely blessed! It is a goregous South Arkansas day it looks like. I am sitting here eatting my last waffle till I start my diet which I won't be able to have :( and drinking a cup of coffoe. I do not know how I make throughout my day without my four cups of coffoe. Yes, you heard me right I said four. This post is somewhat close to my heart, my mind, and my spirit. So, sit back get a Coke, coffoe, water, whatever you perfer and be prepared to enjoy. Well.. I hope anyway.

Last year around this time, I still was with the guy of three years we were in the midst of the rocky part of our relationship. We got in fights nightly on the phone, he wouldn't call at all some nights, and you would think that should of been a pure indicators that something was not right. We had "broken up" in July but we still talked every single day and still said I love you to each other and he kept saying, "Oh I want to be with you so bad, I just wanna be in person to ask you back again to." So, I asked him one night on one of our arguments, "Do you tell people your single or are you talking to someone?" He said, " I tell people I'm single." My mind thought, "Oh, okay I got ya." Well, Christmas was coming up I had bought his presents already, gotten a new red sweater to wear on our time together, gotten my nails done because he liked it when my nails were done. Well, he would usually come home the second week in December so that way we would have almost a month together. He ended up calling me on his lunch hour and said, "Lindsey, we need to talk." I thought, "Oh, he's not gonna get to come home till next week, thats fine". He said, "I, dont know how to tell you this, but I have met someone." "I think she is wonderful, and um she wants to know I am completly devoted to her." I said, "Are you attracted to her? Like do you guys have stuff in common?" He said, "Well, yeah she doesn't know about you and well, I wanted to be honest with you about her."I was mad, very mad I said, "Okay, (his name here) I am done." So, we got off the phone I went to walmart returned his gifts got my money back. He called me that night, we talked it was the last time we talked till....

On December 30th, I got an email saying a Blackberry message. I thought, "Okay, I don't know anyone with a blackberry." So, I open it anyway...it's from him. He said, I am on my way to Arkansas to stay at mom and dad's me and you have alot of talking, truth telling to tell you, and tears to cry. Well, I called him as soon as I stepped away from the computer. To my suprise he picked up the phone, he sounded mad and sad at the same time. He admitted to cheating on me the whole three years, having sex with her, honestly loving her longer than I had known about her. He told me the truth about so much, and it nearly broke me inside.

On January 15, I had worked that day, all day open to close. I was wooped tired. I worked so much that day because we were understaff and I had taken the day off the day before because me and Robbie went to Little Rock for her birthday. I left my phone at home because I didn't have any signal at the store so I just left it. It said I have two missed calls and two new voicemails. I thought, "They are probably Robbie." Because alot of times I would call her on my break when I went outside. The number showed his number. I called the voicemail... the first one sounded like the him I knew, it sounded like he was trying to talk low so he wouldnt get in trouble. Well, the next voicemail was the exact opposite. It envolved him and her yelling at me on the phone. It sounded like a man who had gotten caught. That night, I asked my mom could I change my number and let her listen to the voicemial. Keep in mind, after the night he told me the truth I didnt speak to him ever again. No emails, facebook, myspace, nothing. He didn't exist to me. That night, I admited to having sex with him. My mom and I had a huge blow out, and it resulted in me leaving and going to Magnolia for two days. I ended up getting a new number that Tuesday.

Today...
I have not spoken to the man of three years since that night. I have to be completly honest, I do not miss him at all. I don't miss the lies, the abuse, the negleation, the non-christian situation he made. I have had the best year without him. I went to Branson with my friend Robbie, which I paid for on my own. I have met an amazing friend who is an ex but he is an amazing friend. Me and Joshua admitted to still loving each other after all these years. And, me and him forgave one another. I have gone camping for the first time, I had frog legs for the first time. I have laughed more this year more than any in my life. I get to go to New Moon Thursday at 12AM which I am super pumped over. My list goes on and on. I have had some heartbreaks this year but all and all it has been a wonderful and blessed year.

Through it all, I learned with him and I not together. I am so happy with me. I know I need to loose some weight but I am gonna work on that. I got closer to GOD, I realized how wonderful he is. I realized that everytime I had a problem instead of going to GOD I went to him, and that is not how it is suppose to be. I learned of what kind of counselor, role model I want to of this world. I found out, that Lindsey is not a bad person after all. That I am not and will not be the horrible person he claims that I am. I may be single, but you know I know GOD has a plan for me. If it is to be married, with kids, to date, to make my own minsitry. GOD is control in all things in my life. And, I love him forever more for it. I learned what my favorite Bible verses are.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

If you or you know someone dealing with abuse please talk to tell them, get your Bible out and speak from your heart. GOD will tell you what to say or do. Here are some numbers:

1−800−799−SAFE(7233) National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
1.800.656.HOPE National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-866-331-9474 National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline

This story and the information contain to it are very close to my heart, and I love you all so very much. And, if you need someone, anyone I am always here. My email for you guys is booknerd4christ@gmail.com. If you need me my heart is open. I love you and Keep Smiling.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.Psalm 1:24
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.Psalm 33:22

Hey Everyone, I hope this post finds everyone well and blessed. Okay, as I have metioned I weight WAY too much. I am 5'4 and weight 214. YIKES! Gosh, that was hard to admit. I am starting Next Monday a diet and a steady workout routine. So, what do I ask of ya'll. Here goes:

1. What are good eatting diet tips ya'll can give?

2. Besides breads (which includes rice and pasta) and sweets what do I need to stay away from?

3. I plan on going two times a day once in the morning and another at night. Anything else you guys can think of as work out I can do?

4. What are good snacks to have, keep in mind I can't do to much sweet?

My goal is 140, I know that is a LONG goal but I believe in myself and with effort and prayer and timing I will get there. Thank you for the prayers, advice, and yelling at me to get it speeches you might send. I love you all and Keep Smiling.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)


Top 5 Books: This is really hard so I will pick one out of each catagory I think of.
Classic Literature: To Kill A Mockingbird - A must read for anyone, it will change the way you think.
Mystery: The Hound of Baskervilles - A Sherlock Holmes mystery
Fantasy: The Neverending Story - I so wanted to be Bastian when I was a kid. I went through a phase wanting to name my future kid Bastian.
Children's Lit: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz series. I can't chose one, if and only IF I had to besides the first book I would say "Ozma of Oz" is my favorite.
Poem: The Road Not Take - Deep meaning to me. Robert Frost is awesome.
Book Series: (Besides Oz) Probably either Babysitters Club or American Girl.
Play: Othello. Shakespeare is a must in every form of the world.
Romance: I will call this romance... The Notebook I love Allie and Noah so much its not even funny.
Bible Book: Proverbs or 1st Corithains I rotate back and forth.

5 favorite movies: One's ya'll do not hear me talking about alot. So that means no "Wizard of Oz" talk.

1. My Girl - I totally relate to Vada, how she misses her mom (in my case dad) and her best friend dies. Weeping Willow her poem at the end none stop waterworks over here.
2. Little Women - I love Jo! I fell in love with Christian Bale because of this movie. Jo was always my favorite character in the book. When I was younger I was pissed her and Laurie did not end up together but now that I am older, I see so much heat between her and Frederick.
3. Twister - This movie had me hooked by the first time I watched in 8th grade, Mr. Sims Science class. I loved the idea of chasing storms. Even though I am terrifed of bad weather myself.
4. Young Sherlock Holmes. My mom got me hooked on this movie when I was gosh maybe 10. She knew I loved Sir Aruther Connan Doyle so why not show me the movie.
5. The Little Princess - I loved Laviana! Even though she was a spoilt brat still loved her. Sara also states a very good point in this movie. "All girls are princesses!"

My Top 5 things I munch on:
1. Gum - I am huge gum chewer, since I quit smoking I found gum to be an easier to pop then light up. I perfer Speariment or something fruity.
2. Combos - for those who don't know what Combos are, they are pretzels packed with cheese or some kind of flavor. My favorites are pizza one's.
3. Sour Patch Kids - I love something sweet every once in a while and these those cravings.
4. Beef Jerkey - I love it regular, hot and spicy, teraiki, however you do it I love it.
5. Nachos - With Jalapenos please.

5 Best TV Shows:
1. Gilmore Girls - There is a longer debate over I am a Lorelai or a Rory. I say I am a Rory, but my friends whom have seen the show say I am a Loreali. It is a great and funny show.
2. The Nanny - I loved this show when I was younger and now that is on Nick at Nite I stay up to watch it.
3. Sex and the City - I love this show. The TBS version sure does water it down some though.
4. Jepodary - I fond memories of me and my dad watching this and see how knows more.
5. Touched by an Angel - I was so in love with John Dye, you folks don't even know. I have my autograph cast photo around here.

Bands I would love to see live:
1. David Crowder Band
2. Casting Crowns
3. Skillet
4. Chris Tomlin
5. Avalon

Things I would blow major money if I won the lottery:
1. Donate some to the church
2. Pay off the student loan I have now
3. Get an apartment of my own
4. Pay for school
5. Save it.

My Top 5 favorite songs at the moment are:
1. Second Chance
2. Amazing Grace (my chains are gone)
3. I praise you with the dance
4. Who Am I?
5. I run to you

My top 5 favorite smells:
1. Gasoline
2. Moonlight Path from B&BW
3. Sugar Cookies Baking
4. Fresh Cut Grass
5. PINK Fresh and Clean by VS

My top 5 travel destinations:
1. Paris, France
2. Rome, Italy
3. Atlanta, GA
4. Vermont
5. Dublin, Ireland

My top 5 things I want to learn to do:
1. Play an acoustic guitar
2. Learn to speak Italian
3. Sign Lanauge.
4. Ride horseback
5. Paint

My top 5 things I hate doing:
1. Shaving my legs
2. Washing Dishes
3. Clean up Salem's furball's
4. Not having enough hours in the day
5. Standing in long lines.

My top 5 things websites I visit daily:
1. School's website
2. Gmail/Yahoo
3. Google
4. Facebook
5. Youtube

Five things you would need to put in a trap to lir me in:
1. A pile of books which includes a Bible
2. Chinese food
3. COLD Dt. Dr Pepper
4. My friends
5. A notebook with pens

My top 5 favorite things to drink:
1. Coffoe
2. Dt Mt Dew
3. Dt Dr Pepper
4. Dt Coke
5. Sweet Tea

Trust in the Lord, and do good;dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.Delight yourself in the Lord,and he will give you the desires of your heart.Commit your way to the Lord;trust in him, and he will act.He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,and your justice as the noonday.—Psalm 37:3-6

Hey Everyone! I hope everyone is doing well and is having such a blessed day. It is another goregous day here in South Arkansas. I am sitting at school with Robbie, and thought I would take a minute and write from my heart for a minute. Things in life, it seems are going by faster and faster. This year to me has flown by, things are changing, people are changing. And, hearts are changing. I do not know what to think sometimes, say or even know if it is worth in the end sometimes. Things are also changing at a pace in my life, I do not sometimes if I can keep up with. People in my life are tugging me so many ways. Ways sometimes I do not want to be pulled. My eyes bellow up in tears, I know I am not responsible for anyones happiness but my own. I just wish people knew that, its like no matter what sometimes your best is not good enough.

I am 24 years old, single, no job, no children, husband, wanting to go back to school so bad it is not funny anymore. And, in my mothers eyes I am a huge mistake. My mom have a very strange relationship, like I meationed in my post. She is one day my best friend and the next day she can not stand me. It is very confusing at times. She tells people how much I do not do. She embarsses me by telling them things about my past. It is hard for me not to dwell in my past when my negative is always blown in my face. I guess that is one of the many reasons I named my blog, Keep Your Eyes On the Son. Because, in the end, it is not going to matter what she or anyone else says but it is between me and GOD. My mom was married three years by the time she was my age.

Romantic Love? Do I believe in it? Yes, with all my heart I believe in it. It is something that can not pushed, texted, called, it is a choice. Now, keep in mind this is my opinon but I think love is a choice. Love is not saying oh I think we been together this long so I must love you. No, you can be with someone your whole life and not know them. You can not push or make someone love you. You have to be yourself and only yourself. Not, okay today I am gonna be country or tomorow I will be hardcore, or next week I will be needy. You have got to find yourself and learn to love and accept yourself before anyone else can make that choice to love you in return. I understand it is hard, and I am single maybe I do not know. But, I personally believe that you should pray for your future. If you want a loving husband/wife that is a Christian pray for them. Odds are, they are probably praying for you as well. Pray for your future children, either you have them naturally or not. They will be children one way or another.

Why must we wait? GOD never said life would be easy, but he did say it would be worth it in the end. We are to TRUST him in all that we do. Trust is something I can personally say is my hardspot. I think "oh so many people have hurt me" and let that get in the way of GOD I give it to you and I trust what your gonna do. Your gonna bring me a GOD-loving husband and give me children. And, if not I praise you till my last breathe. You have trust GOD will take care of you no matter what the opsticle. I have been without a job since May, I know people who have been without longer, but we all have to hold hands and get on our knees and realize GOD is and always will take care of us. You have to trust GOD, he know the thoughts, sorrows, pains, and wants that are on our hearts. I was told by a youth pastor one time GOD answers things three ways: Yes, No, I have something better in store. I belive that statement.

Blaming/Questioning GOD? Things in life are not supposed to be handed to us but they are however will be rewarding. I saw all the beautiful fall colors today, and I thought you know this is so beautiful. When we have troubles it seems like the first question that comes out of our mouths is, "GOD, why did this happen?" As much as we would all love to know the answers to the questions, today is not that day. One day we will have the answers, I think GOD has a compostion notebook full of questions from me. I am so guility of this one. We sometimes blame GOD for things like alcholoism, drug use, sexual addictions, anything really we can blame GOD on. This is my favorite Bible Verse Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."Joshua 1:9.

Okay, this is my rant for the day and I hope everyone is well and being blessed. I love you all so very much and Keep Smiling. Forever in Christ Love, Lindsey!

PRO 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

As you all know I have meationed a guy named Joshua for the past and now you get to know the skinny on the ever so famous Joshua!

I met Joshua when I was 14 years old, when I was dating his best friend at the time, Kyle. Joshua was sitting at the computer and had this huge smile and his brown eyes just sparkled. I remember smiling back, to this day he said that and my eyes were the first things he noticed about me. We talked a long time and soon exchanged email address to keep in touch since I did not know when I would ever see him again. Joshua and I talked that night for it seemed eternity we talked about how what kind of movies were into to what music we were into to families. Joshua told me he was one of three children and he was a middle child, he said I have an older brother and little bit younger brother. It is funny his younger brother and I share a birthday. Joshua and I are the same age but I am four months older. Joshua was also in band and we went to different schools. My dad one October wanted to go to that school's ballgame since our team was not doing well and two the high school Joshua went to is the same one my dad went too. How cool! So, I see Joshua march in with the saxophones and then I saw a replica of him marching in with the trumpets. I look at my dad, and say I never knew he was a twin!? Joshua still laugh about that everytime we talk so not cool. Joshua and I had our up's and down's of our friendship and first up till April of 2003.

On April 8, 2003 me and Joshua admitted to one another after the dramatic breakup of me and his best friend, to try to dating. He accepted my offer to be my senior prom date, we had a blast that night. That was the night we both shared our first kiss as a couple and admitted we love one another. We spent that summer together going to New Mexico to do missions with his church, to coming over and watching movies, to going to Applebee's for my birthday. Even going to church together was wonderful. Me and Joshua dated well up to my first semester at college, but broke up. The first few months of our break up were rocky. But, we soon came to the decesion of lets be friends. We all know the, "lets be friends" speech. I did not know how true this would be till January 2005 hit.

Joshua started college and him and his family moved to a different Arkansas. I hadn't got his new number or even know where to start to contact him. My father adored Joshua, loved him as a son. When news broke out my father had died, Joshua was crushed but not only for me but for my family and his heart was broken. I remember coming home that night from the hospital and the home phone was ringing and on the other end it was him. He was crying and said, "Lindsey, I am so sorry. Do you need me? I will be there." I remember crying so happy to hear his voice, I said "Yes, Joshua I need you". He made a promise to me for me to call him and let him know when the funeral was. I let him and I was very doubtful he would come. I was thinking the whole time getting ready for my dads funeral, "He's not coming, he won't. I know him". As soon as the funeral was over, and his friends got to walk by and pay their respects. I saw my friends, Jennifer, Luke, and Robbie walk by. And then, I looked down and Christie grabbed my hand and said "He Came!" I look up and I see his eyes on me. I remember running out to find him after the funeral. I will never forget that hug, he had tears pouring down his face and as well as I did. I kissed him, and said "Thank you, Joshua". He laughed, "He said, I don't make a promise I dont attend on keeping." He rode with me to graveside with my friends. My mom told me he could sit with me at graveside, I will never forget holding his hand and crying and his arm around me to keep me safe and warm since I was cold.

July of that year, I started dating the man of three years. Joshua and I talked alot on messanger. I still familar talks our laughs, our cries, our your so silly. I told Joshua about him, lets just say he was not happy. He tried to tell me, "He's too old for you." or "He's gonna hurt you." Did I listen? No. I thought, "Oh, he's being jealous, he's being a man." The night me and three year boyfriend had sex, I came home in tears and told Joshua. Joshua and I had it out, when I say had it out that is an understatement. Joshua knew I wanted to wait till I was married. He and I talked about that for a long time. He knew that my purity was important. In resulting in our fight I blocked him on my messanger. I hated him, I hated him for the way he down the man I loved, I hated how Joshua thought he knew me, how he thought he knew my heart better than I did. Well, Joshua was right yet again....

Two years later....I had just gotten dumped by the man of three years. Something in my heart told me, unblock Joshua, time heals all wounds. I did, and to my suprising he was online! I jumped online and poped up, "Joshua Edward!" He typed, "Hey!" Lets just say we dropped the fight meationed it and forgot and dropped it. I will always remember this, most men would of asked about the sex of "Was it good?", "How long was it?" Joshua said this and I will hear it forever in my heart, "I forgive you". I never in my life would of thought Joshua would forgive me over my stupid and dumbness. We met for lunch one time me and Robbie went to his towns college for which Robbie got her Bachelors at. We set in Mazzio's for six hours! We talked for as long as I can remember talked about everything and anything. I will remember he said to Robbie, " I hate me and her did not talk for two years, I sure did miss her." That broke my heart in so many pecies you have no idea. Joshua and I went on a date, before I got with my recent ex. The only reason I chose the reason I chose the current ex over Joshua is because. Joshua I still saw 17 year old Joshua, that I dated. Not the Joshua who has grown into this handsome, GOD worshipping, Bible reading, my match in every single way, man.

Joshua and I are best friends, through it all we have. We have feelings for one another but with him finishing school soon we simply do not know. He is the only ex, my friends love, my mom loves, my dad adored, and my sister loves. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes say I hate you to him but in the next sentence its an I love you. Me and Joshua have this theory, GOD has kept close in each other's hearts for this long and we keep trusting him GOD will know what will become of us. If we are to be boyfriend and girlfriend...wonderful, if not we are so incridbly blessed to be each other's best friend. Through all our heartbreaks, to deaths, to countless pizza's we have enhaled, to the many tickle wars we have, I am glad to say that I love this man. It took me a long time to come to this point, to realize what it truly means to be happy. And, this is how I believe GOD told Joshua and I to keep our promises to one another. Best Friends to End.

Happy 24th Birthday Joshua! With all my Love. To my partner in crime, to my best friend, to my Luke Danes (Gilmore Girls joke), my Chinese food partner, my music of my heart, my Razorback football partner, the arms that lift up when I am down! I love you! Lindsey :).

Matthew 21:21-22 Jesus answered them, "“Most certainly I tell you, if you have faith, and don’t doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you told this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it would be done. All things, whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”"

How is everyone on this second day of November? I am doing well, and very productive. Paper done for my Socail Problems class, Bible Study for the morning was done, bookmarked where I will read for tonights lesson, and have drunk down two glasses of orange juice and sprite (mix together for a sore throat remedy). It was absloutly goregous here in South Arkansas today! I had the day mostly to myself today since my mom had gone to get my sister so they could take care of some busincess. I just laid in my bed observing the quietness of my life. I went outside in our big backyard and played with Reese some. Some neighbor, was burning leaves so I am thinking that is why my voice is bit raspy today. Better keep to the juice and sprite, huh? As, I look at the things around I see how incridibly blessed that I am.

Yes, I miss my daddy daily. Oh, ya'll I can not explain enough how much I miss him! I wish you all could of met him. He was funny, he was smart, talkative, always a pal to anyone who needed one, a Christian, I could see GOD's love just shine through those big brown eyes. But, GOD has BLESSED me. He gave me a wonderful father, he gave me a father who was not abusive or curel. And, even though on Father's Day I miss him. I do still however have a Father. A Heavenly Father that loves me beyond measure. I remember telling that to a few co-workers one time and they had no idea what I was talking about so that is another great time I witnessed. I pray for all of you and your families. And, if your fathers are still living tell your daddy's you love him daily. Call him and say "Hey I was thinking of you today and I love you". My sweet best friend, Meredith recently not even a year ago lost her handsome and loving father to a brain tumor. If you guys would like to contact to her she is on my followers. She is the only Meredith. She is my true GOD sister! I love you, Meredith keep your eyes on the son sweetheart.

Through me loosing Lorna, my best friend of fourteen years it has been hard. Yes, the last fews of her life we were not very close but she was my soulmate in so many ways. We made each other laugh, we were each other's dates to things before boys no longer had cotties. But, through her love that shines in my heart I am willing to trust the people who do like to call theirseleves my friends. I am so incridibly blessed to have the ones I do. I love each and everyone of them. I tell them daily how much I love them. Do not forget to tell your best friends or friends that you love them daily too. Me and my friends tried to do things together every chance we get. Me and Meredith get together when her and wonderful husband, Russell come into South Arkansas. We talk daily on the phone and I bet Russell gets a kick out of what we talk about. Joshua, my best friend of ten years, whom will have a blog in a few days for his birthday! Joshua and I do not date but gosh I love that man. He was my high school boyfriend, and ladies you know the "Oh, we will be friend" speech. This man has kept to his word. I will let you know more about him tomorrow. My darling, Robbie whom is my Rosalie to my Alice. Her home is my second home. We are always together. Did I meation she's Lorna's couison. Oh, how I love my Robbie-Sue. And, last but not least my Magnolia friends I am so close to all of them I can not say I am there for others more than the other. I see them some and we talk alot. I love and am so blessed for these people.

My sister, Christie, whom I see the SON is growing in. Christie will be 20 in January. Christie should still be my little sister whom would come in my room and be my patient, play fingerpaints with me in the yard, or ride bikes with down a hill who could get their faster. GOD told my parents it would not be possible for them to have kids. Well, here me and Christie are. I know me and Christie fight, disargee pull each others hair out. But, I can do those things no one else. We are exact opposites in so many ways more than one. I love her so much and would do anything and everything for her. I am so glad to be Auntie Lin Lin to Reese. She has become stronger in her walk, and with me since our dad died. I believe that it is because of the passing of our handsome daddy a day before her birthday. I love you, Christie and keep smiling baby!

My mother, Lennie, who is a light that flickers in the SONlight. As much as me and her fight, argue, hurt each others feelings she is my mother nonetheless. We have the relationship that reminds me Jesus and Judus had. Jesus loved Judus even though he hurt me more than once but Judus just knew what would hurt Jesus. But, Jesus took in the pain and suffering not from Judus but all the sinners of the world. I take on sometimes not only burdens, pains, and sadness I take on hers as well. There are days that we are best friends, there are days we maybe say 3 words to each other, and then are days we do not even speak. I pray for her daily, that she will realize that things are gonna be okay, they won't be better but with GOD he will give her the strength to be strong.

My school, Southern Arkansas University, I told you guys I would tell you what school I plan on going back too. I will be going back to SAU in the fall. I miss it so much. And, I will contiue to write to ya'll daily even if I have a huge test the next day you will get a line saying I am well and alive with pizza (laughs). I will be majoring in Psychology and Sociology a double major. I will also be active in Association of Baptist Students, that is my second home while I am at SAU. I absloutly all the wonderful people and friends there. I am aware alot of my friends I made while I was at SAU are gone. But, that is a perfect chance to get to know more people. And, fall in love with more people. And, this will be my first time with people in my major so I will be making new friends there as well. I also plan on start on a diet while I am there so I can loose some weight my goal is a size 12. Thats 8 sizes! Can I do it? We will see what happends when I put GOD in my diet plan as well.

My Bible Study family, we range from male to female, young to older adults. We do not call ourselves a class we call ourseleves a family. Becuase in heaven we will be just that a giagantic family whom I can not wait to see and worship the LORD together. I love them all so very much.

You, yes, you my readers are also a great blessing in my life! I love reading when each and everyone of you updates. I love your comments! You guys have no idea how much love I have recieved from ya'll. For a girl from small town Arkansas, who loves books, changing lives, and her beautiful SAVIOR. I sent most of ya'll emails about my blog, you could of said, "No", "No intrested". But, you have opened your heart open to me and for that I am incridibly blessed and thankful. I love you so and Keep Smiling.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Hey Everyone, I hope everyone is doing well and is blessed. My heart is currently aching, throbing, crying out. I have not yet talked about this, and it is so hard for me to talk about but I think it is time. As you guys know, I currently live with my mother, whom is widowed. She suffers from very high highs of good moods, laughter, and comfort but more times than none she has lows, meaning she is down right mean. She says hateful things, finds my buttons to be pushed and me exploading on her. My mom has always criticized me about my weight, she really truely has no room to talk. I know I need to loose weight, and I need to loose it on my own time. She has always been "ashamed" of me for the lack of better words, because I had to study harder in school, I wasn't thin, I was not what she wanted me to be. Everytime I brought home another book she would be angry even if it was a book I was borrowing from my friend. To this day, I don't see how my parents were compatiable. My mother knows about my one time thing with my three year relationship, she does not believe it was one time, she constantly blows that up in my face, of how I am "used - up". And, how no Christian man would want me. She breaks my heart, I know I have done things to hurt her, but GOD has forgiven me why can't she!?

I will be going back to my four year school of college in August, against her wishes, but my dreams can not stop because she doesn't want me too. I think things will be better for the simple fact if she starts fights with me, I can simply hang up on her. I miss my dad so much. I know me and him had our differences but he would of forgiven me for all that I have done in my past. My dad would say, "Wanna go for a ride". We would go riding get a Diet Coke at Sonic and go riding and talk. End of problem. He did not like arguments to last longer than a day, for we are not gurantted tomorrow. She is one of my driving forces to be a counselor. I want to change the world, and the messed up things in it. I can not tell you how many times I have cried to Meredith, Joshua, and Robbie. My dad was my best friend in this house, he would know me inside and out. You ask my mom, "---- (Name there), what is Lindsey's favorite book?" She'd says, "Oh, thats easy "The Wizard of Oz, the Bible is number one but she loves The Wizard of Oz." Someone, "Do you know why she loves it so much?" Mom, "No, sorry I dont um..." It is because when I was sick as a little girl he would read me the story with voices all of the characters he would make me laugh.

So, in conclusion, I am not asking for sympthony or a pitty party what I am asking for if anything is... Be praying for my mother. It hurts so much, I do not know if she is a Christian, she claims to be but you know it scares me I do not know if she is or not. It is not my place to put judgement, or say I am better than her because that is not our place. But, keep her in your prayers, and I am so very blessed to tell you guys the truth about this situation. I love you all so very much and Keep Smiling...Lindsey.