The Journey of Finding the Real Me Inside.

Matthew 5:39-46 But I tell you, don’t resist him who is evil; but whoever strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. If anyone sues you to take away your coat, let him have your cloak also. Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.Give to him who asks you, and don’t turn away him who desires to borrow from you.“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you, that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Don’t even the tax collectors do the same?

WOW! I had to use a long verse today! How is everyone? I hope everyone is well and extremely blessed! It is a goregous South Arkansas day it looks like. I am sitting here eatting my last waffle till I start my diet which I won't be able to have :( and drinking a cup of coffoe. I do not know how I make throughout my day without my four cups of coffoe. Yes, you heard me right I said four. This post is somewhat close to my heart, my mind, and my spirit. So, sit back get a Coke, coffoe, water, whatever you perfer and be prepared to enjoy. Well.. I hope anyway.

Last year around this time, I still was with the guy of three years we were in the midst of the rocky part of our relationship. We got in fights nightly on the phone, he wouldn't call at all some nights, and you would think that should of been a pure indicators that something was not right. We had "broken up" in July but we still talked every single day and still said I love you to each other and he kept saying, "Oh I want to be with you so bad, I just wanna be in person to ask you back again to." So, I asked him one night on one of our arguments, "Do you tell people your single or are you talking to someone?" He said, " I tell people I'm single." My mind thought, "Oh, okay I got ya." Well, Christmas was coming up I had bought his presents already, gotten a new red sweater to wear on our time together, gotten my nails done because he liked it when my nails were done. Well, he would usually come home the second week in December so that way we would have almost a month together. He ended up calling me on his lunch hour and said, "Lindsey, we need to talk." I thought, "Oh, he's not gonna get to come home till next week, thats fine". He said, "I, dont know how to tell you this, but I have met someone." "I think she is wonderful, and um she wants to know I am completly devoted to her." I said, "Are you attracted to her? Like do you guys have stuff in common?" He said, "Well, yeah she doesn't know about you and well, I wanted to be honest with you about her."I was mad, very mad I said, "Okay, (his name here) I am done." So, we got off the phone I went to walmart returned his gifts got my money back. He called me that night, we talked it was the last time we talked till....

On December 30th, I got an email saying a Blackberry message. I thought, "Okay, I don't know anyone with a blackberry." So, I open it's from him. He said, I am on my way to Arkansas to stay at mom and dad's me and you have alot of talking, truth telling to tell you, and tears to cry. Well, I called him as soon as I stepped away from the computer. To my suprise he picked up the phone, he sounded mad and sad at the same time. He admitted to cheating on me the whole three years, having sex with her, honestly loving her longer than I had known about her. He told me the truth about so much, and it nearly broke me inside.

On January 15, I had worked that day, all day open to close. I was wooped tired. I worked so much that day because we were understaff and I had taken the day off the day before because me and Robbie went to Little Rock for her birthday. I left my phone at home because I didn't have any signal at the store so I just left it. It said I have two missed calls and two new voicemails. I thought, "They are probably Robbie." Because alot of times I would call her on my break when I went outside. The number showed his number. I called the voicemail... the first one sounded like the him I knew, it sounded like he was trying to talk low so he wouldnt get in trouble. Well, the next voicemail was the exact opposite. It envolved him and her yelling at me on the phone. It sounded like a man who had gotten caught. That night, I asked my mom could I change my number and let her listen to the voicemial. Keep in mind, after the night he told me the truth I didnt speak to him ever again. No emails, facebook, myspace, nothing. He didn't exist to me. That night, I admited to having sex with him. My mom and I had a huge blow out, and it resulted in me leaving and going to Magnolia for two days. I ended up getting a new number that Tuesday.

I have not spoken to the man of three years since that night. I have to be completly honest, I do not miss him at all. I don't miss the lies, the abuse, the negleation, the non-christian situation he made. I have had the best year without him. I went to Branson with my friend Robbie, which I paid for on my own. I have met an amazing friend who is an ex but he is an amazing friend. Me and Joshua admitted to still loving each other after all these years. And, me and him forgave one another. I have gone camping for the first time, I had frog legs for the first time. I have laughed more this year more than any in my life. I get to go to New Moon Thursday at 12AM which I am super pumped over. My list goes on and on. I have had some heartbreaks this year but all and all it has been a wonderful and blessed year.

Through it all, I learned with him and I not together. I am so happy with me. I know I need to loose some weight but I am gonna work on that. I got closer to GOD, I realized how wonderful he is. I realized that everytime I had a problem instead of going to GOD I went to him, and that is not how it is suppose to be. I learned of what kind of counselor, role model I want to of this world. I found out, that Lindsey is not a bad person after all. That I am not and will not be the horrible person he claims that I am. I may be single, but you know I know GOD has a plan for me. If it is to be married, with kids, to date, to make my own minsitry. GOD is control in all things in my life. And, I love him forever more for it. I learned what my favorite Bible verses are.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

If you or you know someone dealing with abuse please talk to tell them, get your Bible out and speak from your heart. GOD will tell you what to say or do. Here are some numbers:

1−800−799−SAFE(7233) National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
1.800.656.HOPE National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-866-331-9474 National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline

This story and the information contain to it are very close to my heart, and I love you all so very much. And, if you need someone, anyone I am always here. My email for you guys is If you need me my heart is open. I love you and Keep Smiling.

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