Keep your eyes on the SON

2 Corinthians 12:9-10"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Hey Everyone, I hope everyone is doing well and is blessed. My heart is currently aching, throbing, crying out. I have not yet talked about this, and it is so hard for me to talk about but I think it is time. As you guys know, I currently live with my mother, whom is widowed. She suffers from very high highs of good moods, laughter, and comfort but more times than none she has lows, meaning she is down right mean. She says hateful things, finds my buttons to be pushed and me exploading on her. My mom has always criticized me about my weight, she really truely has no room to talk. I know I need to loose weight, and I need to loose it on my own time. She has always been "ashamed" of me for the lack of better words, because I had to study harder in school, I wasn't thin, I was not what she wanted me to be. Everytime I brought home another book she would be angry even if it was a book I was borrowing from my friend. To this day, I don't see how my parents were compatiable. My mother knows about my one time thing with my three year relationship, she does not believe it was one time, she constantly blows that up in my face, of how I am "used - up". And, how no Christian man would want me. She breaks my heart, I know I have done things to hurt her, but GOD has forgiven me why can't she!?

I will be going back to my four year school of college in August, against her wishes, but my dreams can not stop because she doesn't want me too. I think things will be better for the simple fact if she starts fights with me, I can simply hang up on her. I miss my dad so much. I know me and him had our differences but he would of forgiven me for all that I have done in my past. My dad would say, "Wanna go for a ride". We would go riding get a Diet Coke at Sonic and go riding and talk. End of problem. He did not like arguments to last longer than a day, for we are not gurantted tomorrow. She is one of my driving forces to be a counselor. I want to change the world, and the messed up things in it. I can not tell you how many times I have cried to Meredith, Joshua, and Robbie. My dad was my best friend in this house, he would know me inside and out. You ask my mom, "---- (Name there), what is Lindsey's favorite book?" She'd says, "Oh, thats easy "The Wizard of Oz, the Bible is number one but she loves The Wizard of Oz." Someone, "Do you know why she loves it so much?" Mom, "No, sorry I dont um..." It is because when I was sick as a little girl he would read me the story with voices all of the characters he would make me laugh.

So, in conclusion, I am not asking for sympthony or a pitty party what I am asking for if anything is... Be praying for my mother. It hurts so much, I do not know if she is a Christian, she claims to be but you know it scares me I do not know if she is or not. It is not my place to put judgement, or say I am better than her because that is not our place. But, keep her in your prayers, and I am so very blessed to tell you guys the truth about this situation. I love you all so very much and Keep Smiling...Lindsey.