Keep your eyes on the SON

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ...

Hey Everyone, I hope this blog finds everyone safe, blessed, stress-free, and healthy. As you guys have noticed or not thats okay I won't hold it against you my blogs have not been so heartfelt here lately and I just been filling the time on stupid tag's I found on youtube. My ministry and my outreach has slipped some. Alot has been going on and I thought I would be brave and a true woman of GOD and share what is going on.

First and foremost, I am feeling alone. I know that I have an amazing GOD I worship, a family that loves me, friends that I am blessed to have, school paid for, and a little bit of cash to my name. But sometimes it seems like there should be more. I feel empty sometimes like I want to scream, or hit my pillow or just ball up and cry. I have felt like this for awhile, and if I try to tell my mom about it she say's I am being a drama queen or selfish. I know that I need to talk to someone, but there is nothing I can do about it. I wish I had a crystal ball and could see what my future held. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda's. I wake up every morning and think, there has got to be more than life than just me waking up, taking a bath/shower, reading my Bible, studying, and playing on the computer and friends. I want to be active, I want to have a life. I miss working, I have applied for every postion I know that I have the education or the knowledge to do in my small town.

Secondly, my heart needs to heal. As ya'll have read my heart has been broken. It is hard getting over things that happen. My heart does not just break because I do not have a boyfriend, fiance, or a husband. It is just I miss my dad, I miss Lorna, I miss just having the courage to go on. I am ready to go back to school full-time, I miss it beyond words, it makes me feel important. My mind is busy. Be back in a place where I can worship GOD all the time and not be disturbed. I miss having a good laugh and not feel bad about it. My mom constantly drags me down, she acts like the best mom in the world to people's faces then when she gets to know you or when we are alone that is a totally different story. When I go back to school the most I can do is hit End Call, problem solved.

Third, I am suffering with poor body image. I am sure as a woman this is completly normal. But, I see women who are skinny and are like "Oh, I'm fat" and it makes me sick to my freaking stomatch. I am like I would kill for your stomatch, sister! I know I need to learn to be comfortable with my own skin but that is the hard part sometimes. I know I need to loose weight, my diet has gone down the drain but I am cutting back. I just want to be happy with Lindsey. It's very hard when all you hear is negative from someone 24/7. I can probably count on two hands how many times she has said I love you to me in the past five years. That is very painful.

So, what I am asking for my dear friends is be praying for me. I know these are things I need to work and I am. I have no where else to reach for, and ya'll have been so wonderful and supportive to me I know I can depend on ya'll. I am gonna be working on me and I will be blogging. I love my blog and my ministry will get stronger. I just thought ya'll deserved a reason why I have not been myself here lately. I love you all so very much and Keep Smiling.